If Dick Were a Clone

I have the solution to the Port problem. Clone Dick Cheney half a dozen or so times, stick a beer in one hand and a shotgun in the other, and ship him off to the US ports that this Dubai company wants to run. Let him handle security. Quail, old neocons and evil-doers beware.

And I Thought My Day Was Bad

I just got back from Texas, where, despite their bad taste in politicians, they have funny jokes. I picked up this little gem while I was there:

Do you know what the definition of a bad day is? You go quail hunting with Cheney in the morning and Ted Kennedy gives you a ride home at night.

The Fundamentalists' Guide to the Lost Weekend

The BBC has a good article on the problems between the Sunnis and the Shias, which I think is a prime example of people behaving badly all the way around, and for centuries at that. It’s just one more reason why I say that if you want world peace, abolish organized religion. The problem with having a god tell you how to behave is in the way you interpret that god, or in the god itself. If we need to worship someone, let’s worship someone fun, like Sammy Davis, Jr. He qualifies as he’s dead, he’s famous, and best of all, he was wasted half the time. To most of the religious fundamentalist in the world, no matter what religion, the words, "have another round," means a round of bullets. We'd be better off if they thought it meant cocktails.

The Fastest Gun in the West

I have a confession to make, one that will show how badly in need of therapy I am. I feel guilty for being the only blogger in the world who has not covered the Cheney shooting incident. And here it is, a week or more after the fact and I still haven’t really said much about it, except in the previous post where I stated the obvious, which is that I had not commented on it.

It’s not that I didn’t find the story entertaining. I vacillated between feeling sorry for the poor guy who got shot, marveling over the demise of the Bush administration’s marketing machine, and laughing over Cheney’s folly, which is sick in itself because his folly is that he shot someone. I’ve said it before: I’m not a very good person.

What bothers me about this, and what should bother everyone, is that Cheney enjoys watching innocent things suffer. And I’m not talking about Harry. We’ve learned a lot about his hunting habits in the past week. Recently, 500 birds were let loose for his hunting enjoyment, and Cheney shot 80. That’s like shooting fish in a barrel. And quail hunting, please, the damn things don’t fly. Just toss him a litter of kittens and let him shoot them.

While we’re on the subject of Cheney, as a friend pointed out to me, how can he be so against gays and yet have a close relationship with his daughter?

Cheney’s entire life is one well-strategized political move. He’s the stereotype of the heartless corporate icon, living, breathing, ruling our world, and frankly, slowly ruining this country. He doesn’t care. He has no intention of running for president. He’s a VP with a constituency of 1: W. He has nothing to lose, he can’t even drag W down, but that’s because W can do that just fine on his own, thank you.

Word from my friends who are tied into Washington is that right before W’s term is up, Cheney will resign for health reasons, and Bush will put in someone who can run for prez and continue their legacy of evil, corrupt, I mean, neoconic policy. Condi Rice, put your running shoes on – you know, the Ferragamos you bought on 5th Avenue when New Orleans was in chaos right after Katrina. In the meantime, stay away from Dick and guns.

That's So Gay

Anyone who reads this blog on a regular basis is probably wondering why I haven’t commented on Dick Cheney accidentally shooting one of his crones. If it makes you feel better, I did let out a bit of a hoot from my couch when I heard the news on CNN, and I’ve been meaning to blog about it, but the Day Job has had its steely claws firmly around my neck lately, and my more creative endeavors have fallen by the wayside. That said, I do want to take a moment to discuss my favorite class of people, gay men, and my least favorite class of people, Evangelical Christians.

Everyone and their mother are talking about “Brokeback Mountain.” Everyone has an opinion. Here’s what the latest scuttlebutt is all about, though: Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger are straight actors playing gay men, right? There’s another film out called “End of the Spear,” and Chad Allen, a gay actor, is playing a straight missionary. No big deal, you would think. Well, geez, conservative Christians are pretty sure this marks the start of the apocalypse.

An evangelical film company, Every Tribe Entertainment, produced the movie. Marcus Yoars, a film critic for Focus on the Family (or as I like to call them, “We forgot to take the pill”) gave “Spear” a rave review. Then some conservative along the way, probably suppressing the hots for Mr. Allen, Googled his name and realized he was gay. Word spread. Now, many Evangelicals felt Chad Allen's presence in the film negated any positive message. Let me just be clear here, I have not seen the movie, but what? Was Chad Allen wearing pastel? How could his personal life possibly mute the movie’s message? Ellen DeGeneras did a movie a few years ago where she played a straight woman. It didn’t ruin the movie for me. The movie ruined the movie for me.

What’s crazy about this is that evangelicals want gays to more or less play straight, suppress their urges and, pardon the pun, act Right.

Of course, Jack and Ennis do that in “Brokeback Mountain,” and their wives are the ones who end up devastated because their husbands prefer bulls to cows. Okay, I’m trying to go with a cowboy theme there, but you know what I mean.

What the evangelicals need to realize is that “Brokeback” is a success, on more levels than just critical or monetary. Straight audiences are watching this movie, and that must irk the evangelicals to no end. It’s time they take out their lassos and go wrestle their own personal demons. They are entitled to their opinions, but I think less and less people will share those opinions, especially if what they are saying is that it’s not okay for a gay actor to play a straight and pious man, but it is okay for a gay man in real life to play a straight and pious man. Now wouldn’t’ that just make him a hypocrite?

User Error

My name is Binx and I'm a technical failure.

Poor La Blogda is experiencing some technical difficulties due to something very, very bad I did to this blog's basic functions.

I'm trying to clear it up with the good people at blogger support, but in the meantime, A View From a Broad can't post her debut.

Stay tuned to this blog for more malfunctions in the near future.

A View From a Broad

I'm happy to announce that LaBlogda is getting a new Team Member who will soon be posting rants against society's ills. This new blogger is a pal of mine from way back to my San Francisco days. Yes, that's right, she's one of those San Francisco liberals. Actually, she now lives outside SF, but you know what they say: you can take the girl out of the city but you can't take the city out of the girl. And that girl has plenty of city-slicking attitude, just what LaBlodga likes.

Her screen moniker will be A View From a Broad, so next time you are compelled to post a comment either A) calling me a whiny liberal (I get that a lot) or B) telling me how wonderful I am, make sure I wrote the post. It could very well be our new sassy yet sage blogger.