I have met an inordinate amount of asses in my life. I’ve met dumb-asses who can’t hold down a job, I’ve met dumb-asses who think they are smartasses but are really jackasses. I’ve met assholes who run red lights as a matter of habit and think they are great drivers (the other drivers are either too slow or have no where important to go like the assholes).
In Vegas in particular, I’ve met a ton of conservative dumb-asses. You would think Sin City would be full of decadent liberals, but no. It’s a conservative town.
Just the other day, I got accosted by one dumb-ass who told me I needed counseling because “I hated children.”
“I don’t hate children. I just don’t want them near me.”
“How could you possibly feel that way? There’s so much to learn from them.”
I tried to explain to this dumb-ass, as I have many times over the years to other people, that children are noisy, they smell dirty, and if you spend two minutes talking to them, contrary to popular belief, you will not be amazed at the delightful things they say, but instead, you will be bored our of your eye sockets.
Anyone who has ever had to sit next to a squirming, kicking toddler on a flight from San Francisco to New York knows what I’m talking about. When the plane lands, instead of heading to baggage claim, you run to the bar to calm your frayed nerves.
The dumb-ass told me that to not have children is selfish. Yes, this dumb-ass was a guy.
“Wait, I am selfish. I admit it. You want someone who cares more about moisturizer than other people to be a mother?”
“When you have children, you stop being selfish,” Mr. Dumb-ass gave me look that indicated deep Jesus-like pity.
Uh-huh.
“Let me explain something,” I said in my best clinical voice, as if I were talking to a mental patient. “If you know you will not be a good parent, if you have no interest in being a parent, if you think you might be the kind of parent who tells the kids to go into the middle of the street to play, why would you have kids?”
“Because to not have children is selfish.”
The thing about dumb-assess is that they don’t know they are stupid and worse, they believe with all their heart that they are right (case in point, W and everything he says).
This story has no great ending. I didn’t say anything to convince the dumb-ass that he was wrong. The more I talked, the worse I made it in his eyes. At one point he said, “Just the other day I was telling my wife that I work with a bunch of selfish liberals.” I took the high-road and refrained from saying, “why just the other days, I was telling my childless husband that I work with a bunch of dumb-ass conservatives.”
You can’t win with dumb-asses, you can only ignore them. We both agreed that we liked pets a lot and ended the conversation there. We haven’t spoken to each other since. I’m good with that.
As an aside, I’ve only ever had two people tell me that it was wrong of me to not want children. Both were men. Women, even those fertile Myrtles with a dozen kids and a bible hard-wired to their brain, have always told me I’ve made a smart decision, and that they wish more people who don’t want kids or who are unsure if they want them, would come to a similar conclusion. Their attitude? If you aren’t going to take the time to raise your kid right, it might grow up to be an ass. Who wants that? The world has enough asses already.
February 06, 2005
February 05, 2005
Imagine if they had left flaming dog poo
A Colorado judge ordered two teen-age girls to pay about $900 for the distress a neighbor said they caused by giving her home-made cookies adorned with paper hearts.
The pair were ordered to pay the fine after a 49 year-old woman filed a lawsuit complaining that the unsolicited cookies, left at her house after the girls knocked on her door, had triggered an anxiety attack that sent her to the hospital the next day.
The girls baked cookies as a surprise for several of their rural Colorado neighbors on July 31 and dropped off small batches on their porches, accompanied by red or pink paper hearts and the message: "Have a great night."
The Denver Post newspaper reported on Friday that the girls had decided to stay home and bake the cookies rather than go to a dance where there might be cursing and drinking.
It reported that six neighbors wrote letters entered as evidence in the case thanking the girls for the cookies.
But the woman said she was frightened because the two had knocked on her door at about 10:30 p.m. and run off after leaving the cookies.
She went to a hospital emergency room the next day, fearing that she had suffered a heart attack, court records said.
The judge awarded medical costs, but did not award punitive damages. He said he did not think the girls had acted maliciously but that 10:30 was fairly late at night for them to be out.
If only those girls had gone to the party and misbehaved like normal teens.
The pair were ordered to pay the fine after a 49 year-old woman filed a lawsuit complaining that the unsolicited cookies, left at her house after the girls knocked on her door, had triggered an anxiety attack that sent her to the hospital the next day.
The girls baked cookies as a surprise for several of their rural Colorado neighbors on July 31 and dropped off small batches on their porches, accompanied by red or pink paper hearts and the message: "Have a great night."
The Denver Post newspaper reported on Friday that the girls had decided to stay home and bake the cookies rather than go to a dance where there might be cursing and drinking.
It reported that six neighbors wrote letters entered as evidence in the case thanking the girls for the cookies.
But the woman said she was frightened because the two had knocked on her door at about 10:30 p.m. and run off after leaving the cookies.
She went to a hospital emergency room the next day, fearing that she had suffered a heart attack, court records said.
The judge awarded medical costs, but did not award punitive damages. He said he did not think the girls had acted maliciously but that 10:30 was fairly late at night for them to be out.
If only those girls had gone to the party and misbehaved like normal teens.
February 03, 2005
Right-Wing Ralphie
In case you missed this link from my pal JB in the comments section of the Phoenix post, here's a funny new cartoon for all those kids out there who can't watch that old queen SpongeBob anymore.
http://sfgate.com/columnists/fiore/
http://sfgate.com/columnists/fiore/
One Thorny Rose Garden
Country singer Lynn Anderson was arrested on Monday in Taos, N.M. for allegedly stealing a Harry Potter DVD - and then punching an officer as she was being put in a police car. Anderson, 57, who won a Grammy for "Rose Garden" in 1970, was also charged with drunken driving in December after police said they found her passed out in her car on the shoulder of a Texas highway.
February 02, 2005
By the Time I get to Phoenix, I'll be crying
I've been in Phoenix for a few days, at a trade show where Hacidic Jews didn't want to shake my hand because I'm a woman. It was a slow show, so when our booth seemed deader than, well, Phoenix, I walked the floor and purposely brushed up again men in yarmulkes. I know, I know,abstaining from hand shakes is a cultural thing, but hey, that doesn't stop fat women from wearing tube tops.
While in Phoenix, I surrendered to the temptation of road food, and my idea of exercise was pulling up the covers on my bed around my head. So I came home tonight, ate a salad during Malcom in the Middle, then went upstairs to exercise. I left the TV on, and about an hour later I heard my cat, Sammy Davis Jr., YOWLING as if he were being slaughtered. I rushed downstairs to see little Sammy hunched up in front of the TV listening to W's State of the Union address. He turned around, looked at me, dropped a little, um, gift on the floor, then ran into the next room. Sammy leaves these little gifts when I've angered him. Obviously, I pissed kitty off because I allowed W on our TV.
What's the point of this story? It's not that I have a smart cat or even a bad cat. The point is that even my cat hates W.
Good kitty.
While in Phoenix, I surrendered to the temptation of road food, and my idea of exercise was pulling up the covers on my bed around my head. So I came home tonight, ate a salad during Malcom in the Middle, then went upstairs to exercise. I left the TV on, and about an hour later I heard my cat, Sammy Davis Jr., YOWLING as if he were being slaughtered. I rushed downstairs to see little Sammy hunched up in front of the TV listening to W's State of the Union address. He turned around, looked at me, dropped a little, um, gift on the floor, then ran into the next room. Sammy leaves these little gifts when I've angered him. Obviously, I pissed kitty off because I allowed W on our TV.
What's the point of this story? It's not that I have a smart cat or even a bad cat. The point is that even my cat hates W.
Good kitty.
January 29, 2005
Saturday Deserves Two Posts
I am usually way too lazy to make two posts in one day, but I wanted to comment on both Iraq and SpongeBob, because together, they represent the craziness George Bush and the Religious Right have created (not that I blame the Religious Right for Iraq, but they sure helped get Bush elected).
Now on to SpongeBob.
It’s official. He is not gay. I repeat, SpongeBob is not a queen. He’s asexual, which begs the question, well then is he is a part of the Christian right? At least this explains those odd pants. He's not worried about his looks because he's not trying to get laid.
SpongeBob's creator, Stephen Hillenburg, 43, said the allegations that SB is gay are far-fetched. The cartoon is all about fun and entertainment.
"It doesn't have anything to do with what we're trying to do," Hillenburg told Reuters.
Radio evangelist James Dobson, among whose top political issues are opposition to same-sex marriage and abortion rights, said last week SpongeBob had been included in a "pro-homosexual video."
"Their inclusion of the reference to 'sexual identity' within their 'tolerance pledge' is not only unnecessary but it crosses a moral line," said Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family.
SpongeBob is one of the stars of a music video due to be sent to 61,000 U.S. schools in March. The makers -- the nonprofit We Are Family Foundation -- say the video is designed to encourage tolerance and diversity.
Hillenburg, who is married with a 6-year-old son, says he thinks there are "more important issues to worry about."
Such as people like Dobson and the influence they wield.
Now on to SpongeBob.
It’s official. He is not gay. I repeat, SpongeBob is not a queen. He’s asexual, which begs the question, well then is he is a part of the Christian right? At least this explains those odd pants. He's not worried about his looks because he's not trying to get laid.
SpongeBob's creator, Stephen Hillenburg, 43, said the allegations that SB is gay are far-fetched. The cartoon is all about fun and entertainment.
"It doesn't have anything to do with what we're trying to do," Hillenburg told Reuters.
Radio evangelist James Dobson, among whose top political issues are opposition to same-sex marriage and abortion rights, said last week SpongeBob had been included in a "pro-homosexual video."
"Their inclusion of the reference to 'sexual identity' within their 'tolerance pledge' is not only unnecessary but it crosses a moral line," said Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family.
SpongeBob is one of the stars of a music video due to be sent to 61,000 U.S. schools in March. The makers -- the nonprofit We Are Family Foundation -- say the video is designed to encourage tolerance and diversity.
Hillenburg, who is married with a 6-year-old son, says he thinks there are "more important issues to worry about."
Such as people like Dobson and the influence they wield.
No Surprise in Iraq
Does the news today surprise anyone, except for Bush? Why is he pushing an agenda of freedom if there are people out there who don't want it? And has Bush actually made Freedom a relative term?
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