Sin City needs redemption. The proof is in the radio dial. I lived here for five years and never knew that this town was full of Christian Rock stations. That’s because I had my own car, and blissfully listened to my CDs and the local classic jazz station. As soon as I moved away and started telecommuting, I had to rent cars, which often meant I had to listen to local radio channels. So imagine me, going West on the 215, listening to what I think is some alternative rock station when I suddenly notice a lyric: “And I get down on my knees before you.” At first, I’m thinking, “Porn Rock? Is there such a thing?” Then I realize it’s all about Jesus. So I change dials. I hear another piece of a song, “I will burn in the fire of your salvation.” I let out an alarmed gasp and change the channel. “I worship you, Oh God, blad de blah.” I change the channel again, more holy-roly lyrics disguised as Spoon or even more insidious, Snow Patrol. I change it again. Finally, I hear a Doobie Brothers song. I was never a fan of the Doobie Brothers, but I leave it there. It’s safe. I drive all over this desert town, the radio dial fixed to a classic rock station. I haven’t heard the Eagles this much since 1979.
Christian rock is freaky. Why not just listen to plain old satanic rock and roll, where the real rockers are? Okay, so the lyrics aren’t all, “I love Jesus, yeah, yeah, yeah,” but, it’s rock and roll; it is its own religion, all three chords is enough and less is more. The only fire in those lyrics is about passion, a rock and roll subject du jour, every du jour.
Do Christian rockers and the people who listen to them want to be bad while being good? I just don’t get it; and I find it freaky. I’ve said it before, religion is just freaky. It causes war, it is the originator of hypocrisy and fairy tales and evidently, it’s also the cause of some really horrible music. It’s also the originator of true dorks: who can sing, “I get down on my knees before you,” without the temptation to make a sexual joke? Who talks about getting down on their knees anyway except for hookers and a few gay guys that I know, and oh yeah, a lot of horny men?
The big question is, why does Vegas have so many Christian Rock stations? The better question is, why does Budget continue to give me rental cars without satellite even though I keep requesting satellite and pay through the nose to get a car that has one? Now that I think of it, the real question is, Why don’t I switch from Budget to Avis or Hertz? Well, the answer to that one is that I’m clearly a sucker for punishment. It’s like the W Times Square. Whenever I’m in NYC, I stay there, despite the fact that the hotel staff is rude and keeps trying to put me in rooms next to the elevator. My pal, CW, always asks, “why do you keep staying there,” and I keep saying, “because I like the beds.” I keep renting from Budget because I’m a Fastbreak customer of theirs and its just easier to stay with them and put up with a dial full of Christian Rock then switch over to Avis, for example, where I might actually get satellite radio and can listen to the Bruce Springsteen channel, the true savior of rock and roll. When Bruce sings of getting down on your knees, it’s because he’s telling the chick in the song to do some dirty business. And that’s a different kind of freaky altogether.
Note to self: on next trip to Vegas, bring a CD for the rental car.
