The Terri Schiavo protesters and hard-core W groupies have accomplished one thing. They’ve firmly divided the nation between heathens like me and most everyone else, and the religious fanatics. Who are those people, those bible-thumping, hanging-out-with-Jesus folks? I know a few of them and that’s it. There’s Mrs. S (named changed to protect me), this 72 year-old cranky woman who wears God on her sleeve and hates everyone because they aren’t pious. When you say hello to her whenever you walk past each other, she snubs you. Now that’s Christian! Then there’s this chick I know who doesn’t believe in abortions, yet keeps having kids she can’t support financially and leaves them with relatives for years on end. Then there is this cheeseburger-of-a-guy who loves the Lord but hates the homos.
There really the only ones I know personally. But to hear the media, to see the protesters outside the Schiavo hospice earlier this week, I have come to two conclusions: 1) I must lead a sheltered life and 2) take away the violent acts and you have little difference between Islamic extremist and Christian fundamentalists. So, on the off chance that you fall in one of those two categories, listen up jackass, here’s some things you need to hear: A) Don’t take the Bible so literally; B) Your way is not the only way, nor necessarily the right way. Most hard-core religious people make colossal mistakes that cause them to end up on Jerry Springer or the Surreal World; C) Please, for God’s sake, have a cocktail and lighten up; D) Get some therapy, and finally; E) stop trying to change the world. You are doing a really, really bad job.
Give me a glass of Phantom Hill Pinot Noir. I feel sobriety coming on.
