Reporters Gone Wild

Okay, I have to say it again: Poor Hillary. When I heard her remarks about RFK's assassination, I had no problem understanding the point she was trying to make: that her husband nor RFK had wrapped up the nomination till June. And listen, I don't ever understand anything right away. Just ask my 8th grade math teacher, who had to tutor me after work because I couldn't get fractions. To this day, I have a meltdown when I have to figure out fractions. 

OMG, the media is going nuts. Keith Oberman is about to have a stroke on live TV because of Hillary's comments. I thought at first, "okay, this is about ratings." But no, I think he's serious. And it's everywhere. CNN, Fox. Even the local news is going nuts. And forget about the Internet. I read some posts online and Holy Mother of Pearl, who needs hot dogs to roast this weekend, we got Hillary!

What she said was downright clunky, inarticulate, and unwise, but her meaning was clear: she was referring to historical (or in this case, hysterical) precedent that nominees hung in there till June. Now in the case of her husband, it turns out he had secured the nomination weeks earlier. So her point is mute. Nonetheless, her meaning was clear (heck, at least to me) and her apology that followed certainly seemed sincere. The Pundits won't us to spin this that she's saying, "if I stay in, one of my cracker supporters might assassinate Obama." That's better news isn't it then, "hey, we have history on our side when it comes to democrats who haven't secured the nomination by now." The news hounds are saying her campaign is clearly over, her apology was not one, and that this is the most evil thing this evil woman has done in her evil career. Oh for God's sakes. If she quits, all you folks are going to have to complain about are Obama being boring and McCain being old. Enjoy her while you can, pundits. These may, sadly, be your glory days of the 2008 campaign.

Flaming Liberals

A few years back, I had some minor surgery. It was nothing life threatening, but there was a 2 week recovery time that for me turned into 3 weeks because, who knew, I’m a slow healer. I know. I know, it sounds like a metaphor for my life. I’m a slow healer. Or would it be slow learner? I get them mixed up.

One of the things that brightened my recovery was all the well-wishers. My pal Carla sent me crossword puzzles and a little light reading, “The Fountainhead” (Carla, next time, think Beach book. I was heavily medicated). The girls in the office sent me a lovely fruit basket. My wonderful friend Kym came over everyday and made me drink Pom juice. Robby, always the caretaker, called daily, waking me sometimes from my drug-induced nap.

When you are recovering, well-wishers become part of the process, usually the good part, right behind the meds. When I learned of Senator Ted Kennedy’s seizure, I was concerned. He’s an icon in our country’s politics and has been responsible for not only important legislation, but some great stories that are now part of our history, no matter how notorious they are. This morning I cruised the Internet looking for updates on his recovery and I came across an article with a dozen comments left by readers, most bashing him. I tried to link the post to this story, but either blogger or user error failed to make it happen. Anyway, the comments ranged from, "that's what you get," to calling him Obama's puppet master, to, "you represent the worst of American politics." One nice lady from Michigan wrote in saying he was in her prayers.

Good God, what is wrong with people? Forget well-wishers, these folks can’t wait to see him burn in hell. The man is old and dying and no matter what you think of his politics, can’t you just keep quiet if you don’t like him, especially now? You don’t need to display how badly you behave in a forum like that. Go to one of the many “Democrats must die,” websites out there and bash away among your own kind.

I think flamers are a lot like arsonists. No pun intended. They just can’t help themselves. They have to throw that match on the dry brush and watch things burn. There was such relish in the tone of these folks flaming Kennedy. One could argue that if it were George W. Bush in the hospital there would be the same type of bashing going on, just from the liberal side. Yeah, well, I’ll give you that. And I even admit that I might not be motivated to blog about it, but, hmmm, okay, never mind. Flame on, jackasses. It’s embarrassing to watch you do it, but it’s inevitable.

Senator Kennedy, I hope you get better soon. You’re backing the wrong candidate (Yeah Hillary!) but get better and help your team kick some McCain butt.

Bad Blogging Practices

There's so much to blog about, that if I had time, I could sit at my desk all day and blog. Fortunately for my few readers, my time is limited so that I don't punish you too much with my bad attempt at humor. But, if I did have time to blog, here's a few bullet points that I'd blog about.

• I just started the above sentence with the word "but." It's okay to do that, and I keep telling the annoying Brit in our office (who proof reads stuff without anyone asking her to) that it is perfectly acceptable in this century to start a sentence with "and," "but," or "or," if you are trying to make a point, as in the following examples: "I hate wanna-be grammarians. And I really hate wanna-be grammarians who come to this country from England and tell me how to punctuate. But I don't tell them how to be less annoying. Or if I did, I'd be nice about it."
• Obama is going to win the nomination, despite the fact that Hillary is the better choice and stands a better chance of beating McCain. I'm actually rooting for that "dream team" scenario where Hillary is his VP. If nothing else, the SNL skits of Bill, Hil and OB in the White House would be fun.
• I love Bill Clinton. I can't help it. True love is unconditional, despite campaign-ruining antics and run-away displays of egomania. I love that crazy SOB. That's all there is to it.
• Now that I live in LA, I would like to give Xanax to everyone who is behind me on the road. Can't I just have one car behind me where the driver is not on his/her cell phone, or texting, or honking at me to turn left in front of the oncoming car that's barreling toward me?
  
• My eyesight is going. I used to have perfect eyesight and now I can't see letters in front of me. As I type this, my monitor is a good five feet away, clear across the room, in fact. So what am I doing complaining about the cars behind me when I can't see the cars in front of me?

Okay, there it is, the random thoughts that have been running through my head lately. Actually, there's many more, but I don't have the time to write them down, or the heart to bore you.  

Hillary and Me

I usually try to avoid blog posts that are rants, because it makes the blogger sound crazy, but today is a cold day in LA and I'm feeling cranky. As it's a primary day as well, there is no better way to vent than to rant, especially about politics. So guess what? I'm going to do a rant! 

Anyone who knows me, knows I love Hillary Clinton. I always have. It used to (and still does!) burn me up when other women, especially, criticized her.  She's a role model for God's sakes! She's a Yale Grad who put up with a cheating husband and became a state senator! She made the idea of universal health coverage mainstream when no one else succeeded. She bakes cookies! She has goals, and she sticks to them. I doubt I can even stick to the goal of ranting in this blog post because, what was I saying? . . . 

A gal once told me she thought Hillary was "stupid." I seriously thought I was going to have to kick her ass. She was bigger than me, though, and I'm a coward that way. I did say, "she must be smarter than us, look at this hell hole we work in." I had her there. Of course, today she's an Obama supporter.

I've rolled up my sleeves and threatened to take both ladies and gents down for messing with Hillary. I defend her the way a Texan defends Texas. According to early results in the primary, Obama has already won North Carolina (Hillary's lead in Indiana is narrowing. Cue me opening wine and taking Valium as I bite my nails and wait for her to hopefully wine). Anyway, not only has Obama won North Carolina, with this primary, he has officially now won the entire South. So to Southern Democrats I have one thing to say: I'm one of you, more or less. I'm Southern by birth and in case you haven't noticed, I'm a democrat. So now y'all stop supporting Obama and start supporting my gal, Hil. Let me put this in terms you can understand: if she loses this nomination, I wouldn't put it past her to come down South and one by one, open a can of whoop ass on OB supporters. And if she is the candidate, are you going to let McCain win because you can't tolerate a strong woman? Oh, and don't give me that Iraq crap. Yes, she voted for the war. As I recall, most Americans except for me and a few cranky comedians supported war back then. Most people drank the Bush/Cheney kool-aid.  We don't know how Obama would have voted because he wasn't in office. Even he has said he don't know how he would have voted. 

I've watched and listened, and two kinds of people hate Hillary: 1) Republicans, and there's nothing you can do about that, and, 2) people who don't like strong women, even if they say they do. I know Hillary is brash and annoying at times, but she's smart, she knows her stuff. Ask her a question and she'll give you an answer. You might not like the answer, but for the life of me, I have yet to figure out OB's message. Hope? Here's my hope: I hope Hillary is our next president.

The AP did a poll recently that showed that Hillary would beat McCain by 9 points, OB would beat him by 2. So Hillary can beat McCain by a bigger margin. Maybe it's all too close for comfort, but why are people still rooting for her to pull out? OB is beating her by a hair, and today that hair got shaved a bit more.

So this is all a long way of saying that I'm happy Hillary is still hanging in there, and if it goes to the convention, fine. All Democrats, myself included, need to just simply vote for whoever is the candidate in the end. The other choice is McCain, and seriously, a hissy fit over your democratic candidate losing is not worth another four years of a Republican. I mean, this last one has done such a good job. . . .hey, he's #1 in disapproval ratings! That reminds me of the time that Mississippi was named the fattest state in the country. I told my pal Robby, "Hey, we're #1!" Always spin to the positive.

So I'll conclude my rant by saying that if MCain wins, knowing that most people think she stands a better chance of beating him that OB, then I'm joining Hillary on her whoop ass trip. I Hope y'all are happy.

Lunch with Cokie

The other day, I had lunch with Cokie Roberts. Yes, it sounds like a lie, I know. But I did. Sort of. She spoke at a function, sponsored by a women's organization. She sat at the same table I did, because the president of the organization was there. I wish I could say that she was seated next to me, but, unfortunately I can't as the World's Freakiest Woman was my dining partner.

Her name was Gabrielle. She was short, really short, like under 5'0 and she was one of those negative sized women. She looked as if someone has hosed her down in large, chunky gold jewelery. The conversation started innocently enough when she asked if anyone knew the average sized diamond bought for engagement rings. I happened to have the answer.

"Two carats these days," I said.

"I would have thought it would be more like ten carats," she said.

"Oh God, the average person can't afford that."

"My friends can." I looked at my friend Ela, seated on the other side of me. She raised an eyebrow.

"I even have one friend who just bought a 64 carat solitaire ring from Cartier."

Ela and I shook our heads. "You must mean a pendant," I said.

"A diamond that large is very rare," Ela told her. "And it's the size of a small egg. She can't possibly wear it on her finger."

"Well, she does. Another friend has a 45 carat ring. All my friends have very large diamonds."

"Okay . . ." I said, looking over at Cokie Roberts as if she could save me. She was in the throes of her own misery, sandwiched between two women who were chatting to her about their grand kids. She concentrated on her asparagus salad for relief.

Then Gabrielle tells me that her husband is in real estate, and she starts sizing up the neighborhoods for me as I'm new in town. "Beverly Hills is where you go when you have a little money, Bel Aire is where you go when you have more money, and Holmby Hills is where you go when you have the most money."

"Where's West Hollywood fit in," I quipped. She was not amused.

"I don't know why people say there is a problem with the economy," Gabrielle told me. "My husband just sold a 25 million dollar home. He bought me this as a gift." She shoved her South Sea Pearl ring in my face.

"I don't think the high end market is hurting, it's the low-end."

She looked at me as if she had no idea what I meant by "Low end."

I asked her how long she'd been married. 25 years. I asked how she met her husband. "I was a teacher's aide and he was in the 6th grade."

That pretty much stopped all the conversation at the table. Even Cokie Roberts was listening now.

All I could think was, "Why did I get placed next to the freak at the table? All these women and Cokie Roberts and I'm stuck next to the pedophile?"

I left shortly after that. It's hard to think of anything else to add to a conversation when you learn that the woman sitting next to you trolled grade school kids for marital material. On my way out the door, I realized I never asked her which neighborhood she lived in. Wherever it is, I hope they have that Neighborhood Alert thing going.