I just returned from NYC and all I can say is that if someone doesn’t start force feeding the world’s population of Skinny Girls, then we should send them to Iraq to serve some good use other than pissing the rest of us women off.
I’m not fat. Ask my husband. He’ll tell you. I’m a bit chubby. Just a little bit. Those were his words before I hit him over the head with a frying pan.
If Americans are getting fatter, it must be happening to only men, and to me, because I didn’t see fat women in NYC. I saw size 0’s and size 2’s. We live in a society where if you are a size 4, or like me and you are a size 6, it’s time to embrace the South Beach Diet.
I have spent the last week studying Skinny Girls, and I’ve come to these conclusions:
1). Skinny Girls are whores. They are skinny to attract the opposite sex. They sure aren’t denying themselves food because it’s fun. You may call that low self-esteem. I call it them being whores.
2) Skinny Girls monopolize the treadmill for no apparent reason. This is why I gained weight in New York. Every time I went to the gym at my hotel, the W Times Square, where Skinny Girls go to breed, there was some skinny ass girl running like a jackass on the treadmill.
3) Skinny Girls are stupid. See reason #2 above. YOU ARE SKINNY. GET OFF THE TREADMILL AND LET ME AND MY BUDDHA BELLY ON.
4) Skinny Girls are smug. Just look at them looking at you. That’s a smug smile on their face. There’s a way to combat that smug look. Lay a polysyllable on them. Then you can look smug while they look confused.
5) Skinny Girls love to talk about how much men hit on them. I overheard one skinny girl on the treadmill say to another skinny girl on the elliptical machine, “So I was walking down the street last night and this guy said he could just eat me.” That’s not a compliment, dumbass, it’s verbal rape.
6) Men who like Skinny Girls actually are homosexuals. Skinny girls have the body of boys, except for those who have their breasts enhanced. But they have boy hips, which means men who are attracted to Skinny Girls are attracted to boys. This proves my long hypothesized theory that all men are gay. Thank you, Skinny Girls, for proving that.
7) The population of Skinny Girls has increased, which means the end of the world is near. There’s only one thing to do: eat up and enjoy the remaining moments of life.
Now excuse me while I go devour a bowl of ice cream in one swallow.
