I am terribly sorry that I do not turn right at red lights fast enough for you. It is rude of me to not pull out in front of that speeding car barreling down the street. You have a career that is going absolutely nowhere, and if only I would move, you would get nowhere sooner, wouldn't you?
I have been horrible to you. Putting my own safety in front of your busy schedule. When you honk, at no time do I ever think "What a moron. What a complete waste of skin. What an ass."
No, I think, "Oh dear, I'm keeping this important person from getting somewhere."
So forgive me. I will try to be as irresponsible and reckless as you are. I will speed up. I will charge in front of cars, making them slam on their brakes in an attempt to avoid hitting me, because it will help you get somewhere ten seconds faster.
Thank you for teaching me this valuable lesson.
Now kiss my slow ass.
