Poor Miss USA. All she wanted was a good time while wearing her tiara, and what she got instead was Rehab. It sounds like a typical day on the job for me.
I think Tara is an inspiration to young girls everywhere, kinda like Tonya Harding and Vanessa Williams. Hey Tara, if you are going to be bad, be Vanessa bad, okay? Look at how good her career has turned out. On the other hand, Miss Nevada, Katie Rees, hasn't had such good luck when it comes to photos of her with girls.
Since people love lists this time of the year (wish list, best-of list, etc) I am inspired to write a List of Things You Shouldn't Do While Wearing a Tiara.
Here goes:
1. Don't blow. No coke, no men. You will get caught.
2. Now is not the best time to experiment with the same sex. Somewhere, photos of the event will turn up on the Internet, right next to illicit shots of Paris Hilton.
3. Do not, I repeat, do not over-eat. People will talk about you the way they did about poor Carmen Elektra when she befriended Rachel Ray. Speaking of that, see number 2 above again.
4. Do no under-eat. Two words: Nicole Richie. You will be all over the damn news as being this week's new Anorexic.
5. If Lindsay Lohan is doing it, do the opposite.
6. #5 pretty much sums up everything bad you could do so live by #5.
7. One last thing: to be safe, stay away from gay Republicans who are in the House or Senate. Any association can be really bad for your career.
8. Okay, one more: whatever you do, do not pull on the Donald's hair.
