Fox News is so in-love with George W. Bush. I’m not just talking about that squat little man with too much bad hair (Hannity or whatever) and his pansy-ass “democrat” side-kick. All those um, reporters (?) over there love, love, love George W. Bush. They remind me of me when I was 16 and truly believed that Bruce Springsteen and I would one day wed. I had his posters all over my wall and for a time, I considered calling myself Mary (anyone who knows Bruce gets this reference). But even with my teenaged dreams, I knew that deep down that Bruce was just a guy from Jersey who would probably prefer tall, lanky, redheads to, well, minors.
I had insomnia this morning, so I was up at 3:00am, flipping channels when I landed on that Hannity guy and I stopped cold because I saw something in his eyes. Love. Unrequited, devout, full of passion, love. He was talking about how wonderful W’s speech in NoLa was last night. The so-called democrat didn’t say squat, except to close the show. Then this blonde chick and another squatty guy came on. I didn’t catch their names, but they are like the Regis and Kelly of Fox News. Except they really love W and I’m not sure Regis and Kelly even vote. They couldn’t believe how perfect W’s speech was and how he said all the right things and he hit every note and golly wow, he’s handled this whole Katrina thing like a leader.
I slapped myself. I thought I was having a nightmare. But no, I was awake. I flipped over to CNN to see what they had to say. They showed a snippet of W from his speech. His mouth was all contorted like it gets when he is trying to form words. His eyes were all cock-eyed. Would someone please tell me what’s wrong with his eyes and how come we don’t’ talk more openly about this? Is this like when FDR was in a wheel chair and no one talked about it? Or how Condi Rice is a lesbian and no one talks about that? But I digress.
From what I heard, it was pure Karl Rove at his most evil. Lots of platitudes. Lots of promises. No stats, no plan to pay for any of this. Yadda yadda yadda bite me.
So the fact that he’s such a dumbass and a bad leader means that the feelings those folks have for W must be real, true love. Does he realize how lucky he is to have an entire news channel devoted to promoting the worship of him?
I know W doesn’t read, but if there’s a God, and W say he has a personal relationship with Him, since God is omnipotent, I have a message that needs relaying: God, would you pass this on to W, who doesn’t read. W, please give the folks at Fox a phone call and say Hi. It would really make their day. Maybe you could send over a gift basket for that Hannity fellow and another two to the Fox version of Regis and Kelly. They are suffering they love you so much. It’s damaged the way they think. They’ve lost all their journalistic training (but I’m assuming that they had some). Please W, since you hate it when people disagree with you, here’s some love bunnies who just want to bask in the light that is you.
Thanks, God for relaying that. If W doesn’t respond to my request, should I assume that you two don’t talk much anymore?
