A brand spanking new year is just a couple of days away. At the end of every year, many of us, myself included, like to reflect on the past year and examine what is good in our life and what is not so good.
I work with several jackasses, that's not good. I lost weight, that's good. I'm tired of most people, that's probably not good, but I think anyone over 40 feels that way. I'm also tired of not having the money to always do what I want, that's just pathetic at my age. I have plenty of friends all over the country, that's good, but I don't have the time or money to go visit them. That's not good. They are starting to bug me to do so, which is not good. Pressure is bad, so if you are doing that, stop. You wanna see me, get your ass on a plane.
And now for the awful truth: I'm tired of blogging. If you've read this blog, you've got the basics of my average post. I hate George W. Bush, I hate all the neocons. I'm prochoice. I hate religion. I think that most people are jackasses, so much so that a year ago I started a blog to rant about them. I tried to be funny at all times, but I often (okay, very often) failed.
So, I'm going to make like a neocon and look out for #1, which means I'm taking a break. I'll be back eventually, and maybe I'll just blog every now and then till I feel like I have the time and energy, along with something to say, to come back on a regular basis.
You may have noticed that there are two bloggers on this site, the other being Ironhuff. A year ago I told Ironhuff I didn't want to shoulder this blog alone, and he agreed to help me. He wrote one post in the past year. Geez Ironhuff, I love you, but for God's sake, one post? You have too much to say not to blog, so here's a thought, why don't you keep the blog going for awhile? What else are you gonna do? Watch reruns of Buffy? Besides, you're smarter than me and can win arguments with Republicans much easier. Come on, people, let's chant, we want Ironhuff! We want Ironhuff!
Until I'm inspired to blog again, have a great 2006. As Arnold would say, I'll be back.
December 29, 2005
December 23, 2005
Binx Gets Her Way
Geez, I blog and bitch about the transit strike and it ends. My good friend AF tells me that the mayor quoted my blog in his announcement about the strike ending. It didn't really happen, but one of my New Year's resolutions is to be more delusional, so I've decided to embrace the lie.
So I'll be in NYC for the next few days, taking taxis, going shopping, eating great food, shivering in the cold, warming up with over=priced California cabernets, ignoring the fact that I could have stayed in Vegas, avoided the crowds at the airports and the freezing weather, while Vegas reaches highs of 70.
Have a great Xmas, and please, remember the true meaning of Xmas, the day after Xmas sales are killer, and New Year's Eve, the most sacred of all holidays, is just around the corner. Drink some champagne for me and stay warm.
So I'll be in NYC for the next few days, taking taxis, going shopping, eating great food, shivering in the cold, warming up with over=priced California cabernets, ignoring the fact that I could have stayed in Vegas, avoided the crowds at the airports and the freezing weather, while Vegas reaches highs of 70.
Have a great Xmas, and please, remember the true meaning of Xmas, the day after Xmas sales are killer, and New Year's Eve, the most sacred of all holidays, is just around the corner. Drink some champagne for me and stay warm.
December 22, 2005
Transit Strikers Need to Get Rolling
For someone who lives in Vegas, I’m abnormally interested in the NYC transit union strike, as it affects me directly. I’m going to NYC for Xmas. I had a lovely vacation planned: staying at the Ritz Carlton, taking cabs to Bergdorfs and Saks on Xmas Eve, shopping among the 5th Avenue masses, grabbing a glass of Cabernet somewhere nice for lunch, bitching about how cold NYC is and how could anyone live in this kind of weather. It can’t be good for your skin.
I’m the type of person who believes mass transit happens to other people, bad people. Not me. Yes, I’m a limousine democrat, unfortunately, I don’t have the limousine paycheck of Hollywood’s A-List to really qualify as one, but in spirit, I’m there. Just yesterday at work, I tried to get 90% of the office fired because I don’t like the way they dress. If I have to look at them, they could at least try to make an effort.
But I digress. Roger Toussaint, the Union President, who by the way is in serious need of some Queer Eye for the Straight Guy TLC, said that a “chief sticking point for the union has been the pension proposal to raise contributions to the pension plan for new workers from 2 percent to 6 percent.” The union contends it is woefully inadequate and would be impossible to accept.
Listen up, union guys, six percent is more than this limo-loving democrat gets, and oh, by the way, that’s just my 401 K, my company doesn’t offer a real pension plan. Why? Because they did their research and found that most companies don’t offer a pension plan anymore (it’s less than a 20% of all companies nationwide that do).
So is 2% low? Yes, it is, but get over it. So what if you have to get up at 3:00 am to haul trains into NYC. I’m up at 3:00 am fuming over the fact that my boss once again took credit for my work, left at 2:00 pm to go home because he was exhausted from cruising the Internet most of the work day, and then had the nerve to leave me with a parting shot of “try not to be so blonde.” We all have our cross to bear, except for the very rich, of which you aren’t among, so get off your high horse, suck it up and get those trains running.
When it comes to feeling under-appreciated and a sucky retirement plan, most of America is in your shoes. I’m in your shoes. Actually, I’m in my Ferragamo boots, which I’ve weatherproofed seeing as I’m going to have to haul my ass up and down NYC as there are no taxis to be found because everyone else is taking them. Thanks Union guys. I hope Santa leaves crappy gifts from Walmart under your tree.
I’m the type of person who believes mass transit happens to other people, bad people. Not me. Yes, I’m a limousine democrat, unfortunately, I don’t have the limousine paycheck of Hollywood’s A-List to really qualify as one, but in spirit, I’m there. Just yesterday at work, I tried to get 90% of the office fired because I don’t like the way they dress. If I have to look at them, they could at least try to make an effort.
But I digress. Roger Toussaint, the Union President, who by the way is in serious need of some Queer Eye for the Straight Guy TLC, said that a “chief sticking point for the union has been the pension proposal to raise contributions to the pension plan for new workers from 2 percent to 6 percent.” The union contends it is woefully inadequate and would be impossible to accept.
Listen up, union guys, six percent is more than this limo-loving democrat gets, and oh, by the way, that’s just my 401 K, my company doesn’t offer a real pension plan. Why? Because they did their research and found that most companies don’t offer a pension plan anymore (it’s less than a 20% of all companies nationwide that do).
So is 2% low? Yes, it is, but get over it. So what if you have to get up at 3:00 am to haul trains into NYC. I’m up at 3:00 am fuming over the fact that my boss once again took credit for my work, left at 2:00 pm to go home because he was exhausted from cruising the Internet most of the work day, and then had the nerve to leave me with a parting shot of “try not to be so blonde.” We all have our cross to bear, except for the very rich, of which you aren’t among, so get off your high horse, suck it up and get those trains running.
When it comes to feeling under-appreciated and a sucky retirement plan, most of America is in your shoes. I’m in your shoes. Actually, I’m in my Ferragamo boots, which I’ve weatherproofed seeing as I’m going to have to haul my ass up and down NYC as there are no taxis to be found because everyone else is taking them. Thanks Union guys. I hope Santa leaves crappy gifts from Walmart under your tree.
December 21, 2005
Charity on Behalf of The Republican Party
As 2005 winds down to a close, keep in mind that 2006 is an election year. Xmas is the time of giving (if you haven't given me my gift yet, Neiman Marcus is having a sale!) and what better way to give (beside giving me the gift of Prada) than by donating a check to the Democratic Party. But don't just donate: DONATE IN THE NAME OF A REPUBLICAN THAT YOU KNOW.
Write several smalls checks, say anywhere from $25-100 depending on your means, and write a note for each, saying, "Made on behalf of George W. Bush," or, "Made on behalf of Dumbass Low-Income Republican Who Thinks the GOP Is the Party of Jesus." Actually, how about this? "This $500 donation is made on behalf of Jesus H. Christ."
Did you ever wonder what the H stands for? It stands for Hermes. Little known fact: Jesus loved wearing Hermes scarves. I'm not implying the dude was a cross-dresser, but face it, in Bible illustrations, he's always wearing that same old plain white caftan.
Write several smalls checks, say anywhere from $25-100 depending on your means, and write a note for each, saying, "Made on behalf of George W. Bush," or, "Made on behalf of Dumbass Low-Income Republican Who Thinks the GOP Is the Party of Jesus." Actually, how about this? "This $500 donation is made on behalf of Jesus H. Christ."
Did you ever wonder what the H stands for? It stands for Hermes. Little known fact: Jesus loved wearing Hermes scarves. I'm not implying the dude was a cross-dresser, but face it, in Bible illustrations, he's always wearing that same old plain white caftan.
December 10, 2005
War on XMAS?
I hear that the Christian Right is all up in holy water over the so-called war on Xmas. I had no idea that people were trying to take away holiday sales and drunken office parties!
The other day, as I was having my annual holiday drunk fest with my local Xmas pals, Moshe, Alidad, and Moonflowerhobag, I said, “I hear there is a war on Xmas.” Moshe, Alidad, and Moonflowerhobag said, “What?” and I said, “Yeah, evidently, there are people who want to take away Xmas from us.”
They were flabbergasted.
“But the eggnog, the sales, the parties,” they countered, like a Greek chorus.
“I know. I hear it’s the liberals.”
My Xmas pals looked confused. “But we are the liberals.”
“It’s weird. Are there some of our liberal friends who want to banish Xmas?”
“And miss out on all the free booze?”
We all shrugged, sighed deeply, and then took a large gulp of our Cosmo.
“Where did this war on Xmas start?” I asked.
The wisest of my friends, Moonflowerhobag, looked at me as if I were a simple Evangelical Republican. “Oh Binx, don’t you know, the war on Xmas is a myth. It’s all about framing, and one of those evil marketers on the Right started it.
Moshe, Alidad and I all slapped our forehead and laughed. “Of course,” we said, Greek Chorus that we are.
Tomorrow is Sunday. Please, don’t forget that which is sacred on Sunday. Good sales.
Till I decide to blog again, have a happy holiday season, and please, kiss a Jew, Muslim, or hobag under the mistletoe for me.
The other day, as I was having my annual holiday drunk fest with my local Xmas pals, Moshe, Alidad, and Moonflowerhobag, I said, “I hear there is a war on Xmas.” Moshe, Alidad, and Moonflowerhobag said, “What?” and I said, “Yeah, evidently, there are people who want to take away Xmas from us.”
They were flabbergasted.
“But the eggnog, the sales, the parties,” they countered, like a Greek chorus.
“I know. I hear it’s the liberals.”
My Xmas pals looked confused. “But we are the liberals.”
“It’s weird. Are there some of our liberal friends who want to banish Xmas?”
“And miss out on all the free booze?”
We all shrugged, sighed deeply, and then took a large gulp of our Cosmo.
“Where did this war on Xmas start?” I asked.
The wisest of my friends, Moonflowerhobag, looked at me as if I were a simple Evangelical Republican. “Oh Binx, don’t you know, the war on Xmas is a myth. It’s all about framing, and one of those evil marketers on the Right started it.
Moshe, Alidad and I all slapped our forehead and laughed. “Of course,” we said, Greek Chorus that we are.
Tomorrow is Sunday. Please, don’t forget that which is sacred on Sunday. Good sales.
Till I decide to blog again, have a happy holiday season, and please, kiss a Jew, Muslim, or hobag under the mistletoe for me.
December 09, 2005
W.W.J.S?
You may have heard by now of the Where Would Jesus Shop campaign unveiled on Thursday by wakeupwalmart.com. The group says Wal-Mart's policy over wages, health benefits and other issues harm families and communities. In other words, Jesus wouldn’t like it. By the way, that kind of marketing is what the evil genius Karl Rove calls framing an issue, or, spinning your message in a language that appeals to the people you are targeting. Spinning with a Jesus bent always appeals to evangelical Republicans, also known as Walmart Shoppers.
Walmart responded to the campaign, saying it provides working families with a place to save. Personally, when I can’t afford to shop at Neiman Marcus, I turn to that other low cost leader, Nordstroms. You don’t see them the butt of any W.W.J.S campaign.
America needs to say no to Walmart not just because they pay their workers low wages, don’t offer proper health insurance . . . wait a second, is my employer owned by Walmart? Anyway, Walmart has done more to contribute to the white trashing of America than my own relatives – and we’re from Mississippi, the trendsetters in what is white trash.
So please, boycott Walmart. There’s only room for one white trash conglomerate in this country, and my family was here first.
Walmart responded to the campaign, saying it provides working families with a place to save. Personally, when I can’t afford to shop at Neiman Marcus, I turn to that other low cost leader, Nordstroms. You don’t see them the butt of any W.W.J.S campaign.
America needs to say no to Walmart not just because they pay their workers low wages, don’t offer proper health insurance . . . wait a second, is my employer owned by Walmart? Anyway, Walmart has done more to contribute to the white trashing of America than my own relatives – and we’re from Mississippi, the trendsetters in what is white trash.
So please, boycott Walmart. There’s only room for one white trash conglomerate in this country, and my family was here first.
December 03, 2005
God Must Hate W
Contrary to what W’s 40% base thinks, God doesn’t like that little shifty-eyed cowboy from Connecticut. I think the big guy is doing a little retribution on the religious right, giving them signals that he’s quite displeased.
First off, and most importantly, he allowed Michael Vartan to be killed off Alias, then he let Alias get cancelled. I’ve decided the only way to relieve that grief is with Prozac. Stay tuned for more interesting blogs. Secondly, Epsilon is a record 15th hurricane we’ve had this season. 15 hurricanes. If that’s not God saying that W is full of hot air, I don’t know what is. Next, global warming is melting the Artic ice so fast, that it is changing sea routes, which may start a territorial dispute between the US and Canada. Hello, we’re going to be fighting with Canada! Fighting with Iraq and all those other women-are-bad countries is one thing, fighting with the homeland of Michael J. Fox is another.
So, as I’ve said before, if you voted for Bush, you owe the rest of the country an apology. And this time, as W himself would say (incorrectly), I have God on my side to prove it.
First off, and most importantly, he allowed Michael Vartan to be killed off Alias, then he let Alias get cancelled. I’ve decided the only way to relieve that grief is with Prozac. Stay tuned for more interesting blogs. Secondly, Epsilon is a record 15th hurricane we’ve had this season. 15 hurricanes. If that’s not God saying that W is full of hot air, I don’t know what is. Next, global warming is melting the Artic ice so fast, that it is changing sea routes, which may start a territorial dispute between the US and Canada. Hello, we’re going to be fighting with Canada! Fighting with Iraq and all those other women-are-bad countries is one thing, fighting with the homeland of Michael J. Fox is another.
So, as I’ve said before, if you voted for Bush, you owe the rest of the country an apology. And this time, as W himself would say (incorrectly), I have God on my side to prove it.
Homophobic Ford
If you aren’t familiar with the American Family Association (AFA), here’s all you need to know: they are anti-gay. Recently, they scolded Ford Motor Company for advertising the Jaguar and Land Rover in gay publications. What did Ford do? Fold like a cheap deck of cards. They are pulling ads out of those publications.
What the AFA has neglected to realize is something Ford, and everyone in the advertising world, already knows: Gays have money. They are wonderful, fabulous capitalists who love to spend, spend, spend. The fact that Ford chose to advertise its two most pricey products in gay mags proves that.
In fact, I wonder, does Ford advertise the pricey Jaguar and Land Rover in Right Wing Wackado Christian Fundamental magazines? Somehow, I doubt it. I can’t say for sure since life is short and I don’t want to waste precious moments reading what really amounts to nothing more than a bad mixture of neo-nazi literature and fairy tales.
What the AFA has neglected to realize is something Ford, and everyone in the advertising world, already knows: Gays have money. They are wonderful, fabulous capitalists who love to spend, spend, spend. The fact that Ford chose to advertise its two most pricey products in gay mags proves that.
In fact, I wonder, does Ford advertise the pricey Jaguar and Land Rover in Right Wing Wackado Christian Fundamental magazines? Somehow, I doubt it. I can’t say for sure since life is short and I don’t want to waste precious moments reading what really amounts to nothing more than a bad mixture of neo-nazi literature and fairy tales.
November 29, 2005
Pets Fight War On Terrorism
A dear friend of mine had to put her cat to sleep this past weekend. Like most pet owners, she really, really loved her cat and spent thousands and thousands of dollars over the past year to pay for his medical treatments. I sent her flowers as a condolence, and I’ve been spending a lot of time with my own cat, letting him know how much I love him, and how superior I think he is to not only other cats, but to all my friends’ kids, as well. This may all seem really silly to someone who is not a pet lover, but out of all this, I had a strange thought: our pampered pets are winning the war on terrorism.
Americans (and other western countries) pamper their pets. We dress them in human clothes, buy them gourmet food, take out insurance on them, pamper them with peticures. In a way, it's the most definitive way we say to the terrorists, “screw you. This is the way we live our lives and all the hijackings, bombings and ululating you do isn’t going to stop that.”
So if you want to be a good American, give your charitable contributions to your nearest animal shelter. It will really piss the terrorists off.
And if you have pets, shower your attention on Fido or Miss Liza. Dress them up in your pet clothes. Let them eat at the table, off the plate. Feed them steak. Put Channel #5 on their fur. In a small way, you and your beloved animal are soldiers in the fight against terrorism. Added value: it will give the neighbors something to talk about.
Americans (and other western countries) pamper their pets. We dress them in human clothes, buy them gourmet food, take out insurance on them, pamper them with peticures. In a way, it's the most definitive way we say to the terrorists, “screw you. This is the way we live our lives and all the hijackings, bombings and ululating you do isn’t going to stop that.”
So if you want to be a good American, give your charitable contributions to your nearest animal shelter. It will really piss the terrorists off.
And if you have pets, shower your attention on Fido or Miss Liza. Dress them up in your pet clothes. Let them eat at the table, off the plate. Feed them steak. Put Channel #5 on their fur. In a small way, you and your beloved animal are soldiers in the fight against terrorism. Added value: it will give the neighbors something to talk about.
November 26, 2005
Can Mary Vote?
The Faithful in the Sacramento area are all in a tizzy over a statue of the Virgin Mary that is crying tears of blood. Some believe that this is sign full of major portent, warning us of a natural disaster or an epidemic. It never ceases to amaze how the religious right always get these things wrong: she’s crying because half the country elected W into office yet again. Duh, it’s so obvious.
Or maybe she’s crying because Alias killed of Michael Vartan (I will never forgive the producers for that), and now this is Alias’ last season (might as well be, they killed off super cute hottie spy).
Oh, I know, maybe, some wackadoo is sneaking in and putting red water on her face to make it look like tears. People need a reason to believe, but it’s too bad that they can’t believe in anything rational.
Or maybe she’s crying because Alias killed of Michael Vartan (I will never forgive the producers for that), and now this is Alias’ last season (might as well be, they killed off super cute hottie spy).
Oh, I know, maybe, some wackadoo is sneaking in and putting red water on her face to make it look like tears. People need a reason to believe, but it’s too bad that they can’t believe in anything rational.
November 25, 2005
Heckuva Job Brownie Finds New Gig
I’m scared. Hold me. Former FEMA chief Michael “Heckuva job Brownie” Brown is starting a consulting firm on disaster preparedness.
"If I can help people focus on preparedness, how to be better prepared in their homes and better prepared in their businesses — because that goes straight to the bottom line — then I hope I can help the country in some way," Brown told the Rocky Mountain News for its Thursday editions. So this is his mea culpa? Give us more of what he screwed up in the first place?
Brown said officials need to "take inventory" of what's going on in a disaster to be able to answer questions to avoid appearing unaware. Uh-huh. We already knew that, Brownie. You, on the other hand, have evidently just figured this out.
"If I can help people focus on preparedness, how to be better prepared in their homes and better prepared in their businesses — because that goes straight to the bottom line — then I hope I can help the country in some way," Brown told the Rocky Mountain News for its Thursday editions. So this is his mea culpa? Give us more of what he screwed up in the first place?
Brown said officials need to "take inventory" of what's going on in a disaster to be able to answer questions to avoid appearing unaware. Uh-huh. We already knew that, Brownie. You, on the other hand, have evidently just figured this out.
November 21, 2005
We Can't Fix Iraq
Next time you’re having a bad day, read this and be grateful you aren’t in Iraq.
Reading this reporter's account drives home for me the fact that we should not be in this country. We can’t fix Iraq any more than doctors can fix W’s eyes or Cheney’s perma-snarl. It’s laughable that W and his cronies want to stay the course. The course is filled with suicide bombers and a mounting death toll. If we want to do good, then we need to use the horny-teen method of birth control: pull out.
Reading this reporter's account drives home for me the fact that we should not be in this country. We can’t fix Iraq any more than doctors can fix W’s eyes or Cheney’s perma-snarl. It’s laughable that W and his cronies want to stay the course. The course is filled with suicide bombers and a mounting death toll. If we want to do good, then we need to use the horny-teen method of birth control: pull out.
November 17, 2005
Changing Course on Iraq
If Republicans can change their mind that Big Government is bad and embrace it like the W administration has, why can’t they accept that Democrats have changed their mind on the war in Iraq?
Sure, a lot of leading Democrats voted for the war on Iraq. Congressional Dems were given the same intelligence as Congressional Republicans, so why wouldn’t they vote the same way? John Edwards said this week, “I was wrong, it was a mistake to vote for this war in 2002.” Then Kerry said he’d never vote for this war again (nice sentiments but pointless). Dems are showing more resolve than ever on Iraq. Republicans call their reaction “politics” rather than just admit they were wrong. I know, I know, “I was wrong,” isn’t in the lexicon of your average Republican politician. “I was indicted,” is, however, and maybe that takes them a step closer to “I was wrong.”
Sure, a lot of leading Democrats voted for the war on Iraq. Congressional Dems were given the same intelligence as Congressional Republicans, so why wouldn’t they vote the same way? John Edwards said this week, “I was wrong, it was a mistake to vote for this war in 2002.” Then Kerry said he’d never vote for this war again (nice sentiments but pointless). Dems are showing more resolve than ever on Iraq. Republicans call their reaction “politics” rather than just admit they were wrong. I know, I know, “I was wrong,” isn’t in the lexicon of your average Republican politician. “I was indicted,” is, however, and maybe that takes them a step closer to “I was wrong.”
November 16, 2005
The Days of Whine and Poses
Maybe it’s the post-op drugs talking, but I don’t think Bill O’Reilly is a bad man. Like Karl Rove, or like Rove used to be, O’Reilly is very good at marketing, specifically, spin. He’s so good and such a genius that he has his no-spin zone, which really, everything is spin, as he must know, and his spin is plain, straight-shooting, whether you and I agree with him or not.
Bill recently insulted my adopted hometown, San Francisco. To paraphrase, because the post-op painkillers make me lazy and keep me from researching, he said that since SF doesn’t want military recruitment in schools, the Feds shouldn’t give them a dime, and furthermore, if terrorists want to attack, let them attack and blow up Coit Tower. That just shows how little he knows about SF. We wouldn’t care if he blew up Coit Tower. Now, if they blew up Macy’s on Union Square we might raise hell, but honestly, it’s too close to Thanksgiving and we need to think about what Cabs we’ll be serving next Thursday, or how long we’re going to brine our Turkeys to worry about blowing up tourists traps.
I don’t think O’Reilly means these things. He even said it was meant satirically; though he’s no Oscar Wilde. Bill makes a lot of money doing what he does, and he does it very well. I just wish he wouldn’t get so huffy when people pick on him. That comes with the job, and makes him no different than W, Libby and for that matter, Paris Hilton.
However, he’s always referring to those liberal whiners who pick on him, and it’s clear it bothers him. Heck, Bill, here’s a reality check: conservatives whine just as much if not more and just because they don’t pick on you, don’t let them off the hook because after all, you’re all about fair and balanced news, no? Here’s some of my fave conservative whines: “I’m rich and pay too much in taxes!” That’s an oldie but goldie. “San Francisco is too liberal, I’m not giving them a dime of my federal money,” is a new one, sure to be a classic. “But there was evidence of WMD, I swear,” is my current fave.
Bill recently insulted my adopted hometown, San Francisco. To paraphrase, because the post-op painkillers make me lazy and keep me from researching, he said that since SF doesn’t want military recruitment in schools, the Feds shouldn’t give them a dime, and furthermore, if terrorists want to attack, let them attack and blow up Coit Tower. That just shows how little he knows about SF. We wouldn’t care if he blew up Coit Tower. Now, if they blew up Macy’s on Union Square we might raise hell, but honestly, it’s too close to Thanksgiving and we need to think about what Cabs we’ll be serving next Thursday, or how long we’re going to brine our Turkeys to worry about blowing up tourists traps.
I don’t think O’Reilly means these things. He even said it was meant satirically; though he’s no Oscar Wilde. Bill makes a lot of money doing what he does, and he does it very well. I just wish he wouldn’t get so huffy when people pick on him. That comes with the job, and makes him no different than W, Libby and for that matter, Paris Hilton.
However, he’s always referring to those liberal whiners who pick on him, and it’s clear it bothers him. Heck, Bill, here’s a reality check: conservatives whine just as much if not more and just because they don’t pick on you, don’t let them off the hook because after all, you’re all about fair and balanced news, no? Here’s some of my fave conservative whines: “I’m rich and pay too much in taxes!” That’s an oldie but goldie. “San Francisco is too liberal, I’m not giving them a dime of my federal money,” is a new one, sure to be a classic. “But there was evidence of WMD, I swear,” is my current fave.
November 13, 2005
Walmart Needs a Closing-Down-Forever Sale
Walmart proved this week that it is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, truly without a lick of merit. It’s bad enough that it doesn't care about paying its employees a good wage. It doesn't care about sweatshop workers much less giving its employees decent healthcare. What does it care about? Not pissing off the religious right, evidently, the only people with bad enough taste to shop there.
What were Walmart's PR people thinking this week when they apologized to the insidious Catholic League of Religious and Civil Rights for leaving the word “Christmas” out of its sales promotion? There is a word for people like the Catholic League: Jackasses. So, Jackasses, listen up: our country was founded on the tenet that we could be free from people like you. Christmas isn’t about Jesus’s mythical birthday, it’s about me having a fight with my husband, telling him that “I know it’s the gift that counts but what in the f$$k were you thinking?” Anyway, if the Catholic League of Religious and Civil Rights were true to their name, they’d be pushing for gays to be married and for Walmart to throw large Ramadan sales.
Tis’ the season to remember the real spirit of Christmas: half-price sales on cashmere sweaters at Saks. Snobby salespeople at Neiman Marcus. Diet eggnog. And most importantly, uttering these sacred words: “Waiter, another glass of champagne, please.”
What were Walmart's PR people thinking this week when they apologized to the insidious Catholic League of Religious and Civil Rights for leaving the word “Christmas” out of its sales promotion? There is a word for people like the Catholic League: Jackasses. So, Jackasses, listen up: our country was founded on the tenet that we could be free from people like you. Christmas isn’t about Jesus’s mythical birthday, it’s about me having a fight with my husband, telling him that “I know it’s the gift that counts but what in the f$$k were you thinking?” Anyway, if the Catholic League of Religious and Civil Rights were true to their name, they’d be pushing for gays to be married and for Walmart to throw large Ramadan sales.
Tis’ the season to remember the real spirit of Christmas: half-price sales on cashmere sweaters at Saks. Snobby salespeople at Neiman Marcus. Diet eggnog. And most importantly, uttering these sacred words: “Waiter, another glass of champagne, please.”
November 12, 2005
Facing the Knife with a Dribble of Dignity
On Monday, I’m having some outpatient surgery done. While the surgery itself is no big deal, the recovery is supposed to be a bit of a bitch and takes several weeks. The other thing that is a bitch is that I frequently have to field questions about why I’m having surgery. I would have kept the surgery a secret, but if I did that, people would think I was missing, while instead, I’m just off happily recovering with a large bottle of pain killers. I don’t want to walk in the grocery store and see my face on the back of a milk carton, so instead, I share – up to a point.
When asked why I’m having surgery, my normal response has been, “It’s just some minor stuff I have to fix.” This is the truth. People do not like this answer. I’m not sharing properly. I’m not giving details. So conjecture ensues. One co-worker asked me if I was having a nose job. I touched my nose reflexively. It’s never been my best feature, but really, that’s a bit of an assumption. “No, I’m not,” I told her. “Oh,” she said, surprised.
Another co-worker (my co-workers need etiquette lessons) said to me yesterday, “Well, I hope I get to see you again.” I told her I was not dying, and she realized her faux pas. “Oh, I didn’t mean that.” What did you mean, sweetheart? That you hope I don’t recover and suddenly move to Detroit?
My boss is convinced that I am having “female” problems, even though I’ve given him no indication that I am. He even told the head of our board, which, by the way, as my employer, he legally should not have done that. Now I have concerned board members calling me up, wishing me well with my reproductive system.
A few friends, who know how vain I am, have asked if I was going to get “something pretty done.” Okay, is there something you all want to tell me about the way I look?
One friend said, “Oh, I know. You’re getting an abortion.” This prompted an idea: if Roe V. Wade should ever get overturned, and providing I haven’t crossed over to the other side of menopause, maybe I will get pregnant just to have an abortion as a political statement. Oh don’t put it past me.
I remember after my mother died, most people did not know how to interact with me. Some friends avoided me like I had SARS. I confronted one friend about it, and he said, “Well, it’s just an uncomfortable subject.” Yeah, well, how do you think my Mom felt, being dead and all.
When life picks us as the subjects of unfortunate circumstances, Appropriateness yields to Awkwardness. Fortunately for me, in about 48 hours, I’ll have some nice pain killers and can take a vacation from Awkward. Then I will go back to work and face the inquiring stares of co-workers looking me over, trying to figure out what I did and why my nose and breasts have not changed.
So if my posts are weird next week, blame it on the drugs, and with my luck, I’ll have good stories to tell about rude doctors and nurses.
When asked why I’m having surgery, my normal response has been, “It’s just some minor stuff I have to fix.” This is the truth. People do not like this answer. I’m not sharing properly. I’m not giving details. So conjecture ensues. One co-worker asked me if I was having a nose job. I touched my nose reflexively. It’s never been my best feature, but really, that’s a bit of an assumption. “No, I’m not,” I told her. “Oh,” she said, surprised.
Another co-worker (my co-workers need etiquette lessons) said to me yesterday, “Well, I hope I get to see you again.” I told her I was not dying, and she realized her faux pas. “Oh, I didn’t mean that.” What did you mean, sweetheart? That you hope I don’t recover and suddenly move to Detroit?
My boss is convinced that I am having “female” problems, even though I’ve given him no indication that I am. He even told the head of our board, which, by the way, as my employer, he legally should not have done that. Now I have concerned board members calling me up, wishing me well with my reproductive system.
A few friends, who know how vain I am, have asked if I was going to get “something pretty done.” Okay, is there something you all want to tell me about the way I look?
One friend said, “Oh, I know. You’re getting an abortion.” This prompted an idea: if Roe V. Wade should ever get overturned, and providing I haven’t crossed over to the other side of menopause, maybe I will get pregnant just to have an abortion as a political statement. Oh don’t put it past me.
I remember after my mother died, most people did not know how to interact with me. Some friends avoided me like I had SARS. I confronted one friend about it, and he said, “Well, it’s just an uncomfortable subject.” Yeah, well, how do you think my Mom felt, being dead and all.
When life picks us as the subjects of unfortunate circumstances, Appropriateness yields to Awkwardness. Fortunately for me, in about 48 hours, I’ll have some nice pain killers and can take a vacation from Awkward. Then I will go back to work and face the inquiring stares of co-workers looking me over, trying to figure out what I did and why my nose and breasts have not changed.
So if my posts are weird next week, blame it on the drugs, and with my luck, I’ll have good stories to tell about rude doctors and nurses.
November 06, 2005
Does Dilbert do Ethics?
By now, you’ve read that W has ordered his staff to get some
Ethics by taking a course. To help out, the White House conduct a series of presentations on general ethics rules. For W’s sake, the presentations will have lots of cartoons and no large words, like, well, ethics.
While W was in Argentina, he deflected questions about Rove’s involvement in the Plamegate investigation. What the media has not covered is the look on W’s face when faced with these questions. Here’s a man who is uncomfortable with confrontation. Forget giving a Republican in power a refresher course in ethics – it won’t stick. W needs a publicist and bad. Someone needs to coach him on how to not contort his face, betraying the obvious discomfort he feels.
I honestly do believe that W is mentally challenged to a degree and it is the best kept secret since Roosevelt’s wheelchair. The people who insist he is a smart man, a brilliant man, or for that matter, a man in charge, suffer from denial. He doesn’t even have the wits to put on a poker face. My cat can do this, but then again, my cat is extraordinary.
I’ve been right about most things I’ve said about W, so while I’m on a roll, I think it’s safe to say that this man will go down as the worst president in history, and for that, I’m grateful to him. W, you’ve just made my hero Jimmy’s stock rise. He’s not looking so bad anymore, even to some Republicans.
Ethics by taking a course. To help out, the White House conduct a series of presentations on general ethics rules. For W’s sake, the presentations will have lots of cartoons and no large words, like, well, ethics.
While W was in Argentina, he deflected questions about Rove’s involvement in the Plamegate investigation. What the media has not covered is the look on W’s face when faced with these questions. Here’s a man who is uncomfortable with confrontation. Forget giving a Republican in power a refresher course in ethics – it won’t stick. W needs a publicist and bad. Someone needs to coach him on how to not contort his face, betraying the obvious discomfort he feels.
I honestly do believe that W is mentally challenged to a degree and it is the best kept secret since Roosevelt’s wheelchair. The people who insist he is a smart man, a brilliant man, or for that matter, a man in charge, suffer from denial. He doesn’t even have the wits to put on a poker face. My cat can do this, but then again, my cat is extraordinary.
I’ve been right about most things I’ve said about W, so while I’m on a roll, I think it’s safe to say that this man will go down as the worst president in history, and for that, I’m grateful to him. W, you’ve just made my hero Jimmy’s stock rise. He’s not looking so bad anymore, even to some Republicans.
November 03, 2005
What does Bush Want for Christmas?
A new scooter.
Thanks to my friend Robby for that joke. After cruising the Internet, here’s some more jokes that I found:
Why is George Bush so hard-headed?
His skull protects the weakest part of his body.
What were George W. Bush's three hardest years?
The Second grade.
What do Bush and Hurricana Katrina have in common?
They were the two worst disasters to hit America.
What is George Bush's position on Roe v Wade?
He doesn't really care how people get out of New Orleans.
And finally, I believe this is a bastardization of a joke that started on Saturday Night Live:
A recent poll shows that 70% of American people think that George W. Bush is doing a bad job. The other 30% believe that Adam and Eve rode to church on Dinosaurs.
Thanks to my friend Robby for that joke. After cruising the Internet, here’s some more jokes that I found:
Why is George Bush so hard-headed?
His skull protects the weakest part of his body.
What were George W. Bush's three hardest years?
The Second grade.
What do Bush and Hurricana Katrina have in common?
They were the two worst disasters to hit America.
What is George Bush's position on Roe v Wade?
He doesn't really care how people get out of New Orleans.
And finally, I believe this is a bastardization of a joke that started on Saturday Night Live:
A recent poll shows that 70% of American people think that George W. Bush is doing a bad job. The other 30% believe that Adam and Eve rode to church on Dinosaurs.
November 02, 2005
Give 'em Hell Harry's Speech
Since the Media didn’t think it was important to release Harry Reid’s speech yesterday, I mean, it was only history being made, I thought I’d reprint it here for your enjoyment:
This past weekend, we witnessed the indictment of I. Lewis Libby, the Vice President's Chief of Staff and a senior Advisor to President Bush. Libby is the first sitting White House staffer to be indicted in 135 years.
This indictment raises very serious charges. It asserts this Administration engaged in actions that both harmed our national security and are morally repugnant.
The decision to place U.S. soldiers in harm's way is the most significant responsibility the Constitution invests in the Congress.
The Libby indictment provides a window into what this is really about: how the Administration manufactured and manipulated intelligence in order to sell the war in Iraq and attempted to destroy those who dared to challenge its actions.
As a result of its improper conduct, a cloud now hangs over this Administration. This cloud is further darkened by the Administration's mistakes in prisoner abuse scandal, Hurricane Katrina, and the cronyism and corruption in numerous agencies.
And, unfortunately, it must be said that a cloud also hangs over this Republican-controlled Congress for its unwillingness to hold this Republican Administration accountable for its misdeeds on all of these issues.
Let's take a look back at how we got here with respect to Iraq Mr. President. The record will show that within hours of the terrorist attacks on 9/11, senior officials in this Administration recognized these attacks could be used as a pretext to invade Iraq.
The record will also show that in the months and years after 9/11, the Administration engaged in a pattern of manipulation of the facts and retribution against anyone who got in its way as it made the case for attacking Iraq.
There are numerous examples of how the Administration misstated and manipulated the facts as it made the case for war. Administration statements on Saddam's alleged nuclear weapons capabilities and ties with Al Qaeda represent the best examples of how it consistently and repeatedly manipulated the facts.
The American people were warned time and again by the President, the Vice President, and the current Secretary of State about Saddam's nuclear weapons capabilities. The Vice President said Iraq has reconstituted its nuclear weapons. Playing upon the fears of Americans after September 11, these officials and others raised the specter that, left unchecked, Saddam could soon attack America with nuclear weapons.
Obviously we know now their nuclear claims were wholly inaccurate. But more troubling is the fact that a lot of intelligence experts were telling the Administration then that its claims about Saddam's nuclear capabilities were false.
The situation was very similar with respect to Saddam's links to Al Qaeda. The Vice President told the American people, We know he's out trying once again to produce nuclear weapons and we know he has a longstanding relationship with various terrorist groups including the Al Qaeda organization.
The Administration's assertions on this score have been totally discredited. But again, the Administration went ahead with these assertions in spite of the fact that the government's top experts did not agree with these claims.
What has been the response of this Republican-controlled Congress to the Administration's manipulation of intelligence that led to this protracted war in Iraq? Basically nothing. Did the Republican-controlled Congress carry out its constitutional obligations to conduct oversight? No. Did it support our troops and their families by providing them the answers to many important questions? No. Did it even attempt to force this Administration to answer the most basic questions about its behavior? No.
Unfortunately the unwillingness of the Republican-controlled Congress to exercise its oversight responsibilities is not limited to just Iraq. We see it with respect to the prisoner abuse scandal. We see it with respect to Katrina. And we see it with respect to the cronyism and corruption that permeates this Administration.
Time and time again, this Republican-controlled Congress has consistently chosen to put its political interests ahead of our national security. They have repeatedly chosen to protect the Republican Administration rather than get to the bottom of what happened and why.
There is also another disturbing pattern here, namely about how the Administration responded to those who challenged its assertions. Time and again this Administration has actively sought to attack and undercut those who dared to raise questions about its preferred course.
For example, when General Shinseki indicated several hundred thousand troops would be needed in Iraq, his military career came to an end. When then OMB Director Larry Lindsay suggested the cost of this war would approach $200 billion, his career in the Administration came to an end. When U.N. Chief Weapons Inspector Hans Blix challenged conclusions about Saddam's WMD capabilities, the Administration pulled out his inspectors. When Nobel Prize winner and IAEA head Mohammed el-Baridei raised questions about the Administration's claims of Saddam's nuclear capabilities, the Administration attempted to remove him from his post. When Joe Wilson stated that there was no attempt by Saddam to acquire uranium from Niger, the Administration launched a vicious and coordinated campaign to demean and discredit him, going so far as to expose the fact that his wife worked as a CIA agent.
Given this Administration's pattern of squashing those who challenge its misstatements, what has been the response of this Republican-controlled Congress? Again, absolutely nothing. And with their inactions, they provide political cover for this Administration at the same time they keep the truth from our troops who continue to make large sacrifices in Iraq.
This behavior is unacceptable. The toll in Iraq is as staggering as it is solemn. More than 2,000 Americans have lost their lives. Over 90 Americans have paid the ultimate sacrifice this month alone - the fourth deadliest month since the war began. More than 15,000 have been wounded. More than 150,000 remain in harm's way. Enormous sacrifices have been and continue to be made.
The troops and the American people have a right to expect answers and accountability worthy of that sacrifice. For example, 40 Senate Democrats wrote a substantive and detailed letter to the President asking four basic questions about the Administration's Iraq policy and received a four sentence answer in response. These Senators and the American people deserve better.
They also deserve a searching and comprehensive investigation about how the Bush Administration brought this country to war. Key questions that need to be answered include:
* How did the Bush Administration assemble its case for war against Iraq?
* Who did Bush Administration officials listen to and who did they ignore?
*How did senior Administration officials manipulate or manufacture intelligence presented to the Congress and the American people?
* What was the role of the White House Iraq Group or WHIG, a group of senior White House officials tasked with marketing the war and taking down its critics?
* How did the Administration coordinate its efforts to attack individuals who dared to challenge the Administration's assertions?
* Why has the Administration failed to provide Congress with the documents that will shed light on their misconduct and misstatements?
Unfortunately the Senate committee that should be taking the lead in providing these answers is not. Despite the fact that the chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee publicly committed to examine many of these questions more than one and a half; years ago, he has chosen not to keep this commitment. Despite the fact that he restated that commitment earlier this year on national television, he has still done nothing.
At this point, we can only conclude he will continue to put politics ahead of our national security. If he does anything at this point, I suspect he will play political games by producing an analysis that fails to answer any of these important questions. Instead, if history is any guide, this analysis will attempt to disperse and deflect blame away from the Administration.
We demand that the Intelligence Committee and other committees in this body with jurisdiction over these matters carry out a full and complete investigation immediately as called for by Democrats in the committee's annual intelligence authorization report. Our troops and the American people have sacrificed too much. It is time this Republican-controlled Congress put the interests of the American people ahead of their own political interests.
This past weekend, we witnessed the indictment of I. Lewis Libby, the Vice President's Chief of Staff and a senior Advisor to President Bush. Libby is the first sitting White House staffer to be indicted in 135 years.
This indictment raises very serious charges. It asserts this Administration engaged in actions that both harmed our national security and are morally repugnant.
The decision to place U.S. soldiers in harm's way is the most significant responsibility the Constitution invests in the Congress.
The Libby indictment provides a window into what this is really about: how the Administration manufactured and manipulated intelligence in order to sell the war in Iraq and attempted to destroy those who dared to challenge its actions.
As a result of its improper conduct, a cloud now hangs over this Administration. This cloud is further darkened by the Administration's mistakes in prisoner abuse scandal, Hurricane Katrina, and the cronyism and corruption in numerous agencies.
And, unfortunately, it must be said that a cloud also hangs over this Republican-controlled Congress for its unwillingness to hold this Republican Administration accountable for its misdeeds on all of these issues.
Let's take a look back at how we got here with respect to Iraq Mr. President. The record will show that within hours of the terrorist attacks on 9/11, senior officials in this Administration recognized these attacks could be used as a pretext to invade Iraq.
The record will also show that in the months and years after 9/11, the Administration engaged in a pattern of manipulation of the facts and retribution against anyone who got in its way as it made the case for attacking Iraq.
There are numerous examples of how the Administration misstated and manipulated the facts as it made the case for war. Administration statements on Saddam's alleged nuclear weapons capabilities and ties with Al Qaeda represent the best examples of how it consistently and repeatedly manipulated the facts.
The American people were warned time and again by the President, the Vice President, and the current Secretary of State about Saddam's nuclear weapons capabilities. The Vice President said Iraq has reconstituted its nuclear weapons. Playing upon the fears of Americans after September 11, these officials and others raised the specter that, left unchecked, Saddam could soon attack America with nuclear weapons.
Obviously we know now their nuclear claims were wholly inaccurate. But more troubling is the fact that a lot of intelligence experts were telling the Administration then that its claims about Saddam's nuclear capabilities were false.
The situation was very similar with respect to Saddam's links to Al Qaeda. The Vice President told the American people, We know he's out trying once again to produce nuclear weapons and we know he has a longstanding relationship with various terrorist groups including the Al Qaeda organization.
The Administration's assertions on this score have been totally discredited. But again, the Administration went ahead with these assertions in spite of the fact that the government's top experts did not agree with these claims.
What has been the response of this Republican-controlled Congress to the Administration's manipulation of intelligence that led to this protracted war in Iraq? Basically nothing. Did the Republican-controlled Congress carry out its constitutional obligations to conduct oversight? No. Did it support our troops and their families by providing them the answers to many important questions? No. Did it even attempt to force this Administration to answer the most basic questions about its behavior? No.
Unfortunately the unwillingness of the Republican-controlled Congress to exercise its oversight responsibilities is not limited to just Iraq. We see it with respect to the prisoner abuse scandal. We see it with respect to Katrina. And we see it with respect to the cronyism and corruption that permeates this Administration.
Time and time again, this Republican-controlled Congress has consistently chosen to put its political interests ahead of our national security. They have repeatedly chosen to protect the Republican Administration rather than get to the bottom of what happened and why.
There is also another disturbing pattern here, namely about how the Administration responded to those who challenged its assertions. Time and again this Administration has actively sought to attack and undercut those who dared to raise questions about its preferred course.
For example, when General Shinseki indicated several hundred thousand troops would be needed in Iraq, his military career came to an end. When then OMB Director Larry Lindsay suggested the cost of this war would approach $200 billion, his career in the Administration came to an end. When U.N. Chief Weapons Inspector Hans Blix challenged conclusions about Saddam's WMD capabilities, the Administration pulled out his inspectors. When Nobel Prize winner and IAEA head Mohammed el-Baridei raised questions about the Administration's claims of Saddam's nuclear capabilities, the Administration attempted to remove him from his post. When Joe Wilson stated that there was no attempt by Saddam to acquire uranium from Niger, the Administration launched a vicious and coordinated campaign to demean and discredit him, going so far as to expose the fact that his wife worked as a CIA agent.
Given this Administration's pattern of squashing those who challenge its misstatements, what has been the response of this Republican-controlled Congress? Again, absolutely nothing. And with their inactions, they provide political cover for this Administration at the same time they keep the truth from our troops who continue to make large sacrifices in Iraq.
This behavior is unacceptable. The toll in Iraq is as staggering as it is solemn. More than 2,000 Americans have lost their lives. Over 90 Americans have paid the ultimate sacrifice this month alone - the fourth deadliest month since the war began. More than 15,000 have been wounded. More than 150,000 remain in harm's way. Enormous sacrifices have been and continue to be made.
The troops and the American people have a right to expect answers and accountability worthy of that sacrifice. For example, 40 Senate Democrats wrote a substantive and detailed letter to the President asking four basic questions about the Administration's Iraq policy and received a four sentence answer in response. These Senators and the American people deserve better.
They also deserve a searching and comprehensive investigation about how the Bush Administration brought this country to war. Key questions that need to be answered include:
* How did the Bush Administration assemble its case for war against Iraq?
* Who did Bush Administration officials listen to and who did they ignore?
*How did senior Administration officials manipulate or manufacture intelligence presented to the Congress and the American people?
* What was the role of the White House Iraq Group or WHIG, a group of senior White House officials tasked with marketing the war and taking down its critics?
* How did the Administration coordinate its efforts to attack individuals who dared to challenge the Administration's assertions?
* Why has the Administration failed to provide Congress with the documents that will shed light on their misconduct and misstatements?
Unfortunately the Senate committee that should be taking the lead in providing these answers is not. Despite the fact that the chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee publicly committed to examine many of these questions more than one and a half; years ago, he has chosen not to keep this commitment. Despite the fact that he restated that commitment earlier this year on national television, he has still done nothing.
At this point, we can only conclude he will continue to put politics ahead of our national security. If he does anything at this point, I suspect he will play political games by producing an analysis that fails to answer any of these important questions. Instead, if history is any guide, this analysis will attempt to disperse and deflect blame away from the Administration.
We demand that the Intelligence Committee and other committees in this body with jurisdiction over these matters carry out a full and complete investigation immediately as called for by Democrats in the committee's annual intelligence authorization report. Our troops and the American people have sacrificed too much. It is time this Republican-controlled Congress put the interests of the American people ahead of their own political interests.
Non-Republicans Behaving Badly
Riley from Monroe sent me an email asking if I could blog about bad people other than Republicans for a change. He particularly likes it when I talk about hobags in Vegas, but I don’t have any hobags stories to tell lately. Anyway, Riley is having nightmares about neocons and needs to know that there are other bad people out there, other than Republicans. “It just makes the world seem too left and right, I need something a little ambidextrous,” Riley wrote. Well Riley from Monroe, I’m happy to oblige. I’ll tell the story of Chickpea, an Independent.
Chickpea is not his real name, that’s what his employees call him behind his back. He’s the type of boss who takes credit for his employees work, leaves early every day, takes two hour lunches, cruises the internet for four hours while his team is doing his work and, pits employees against each other by spreading false information.
Recently, one of his top employees wrote a very lengthy dissertation about employee compensation, using citations that date back to the Roman times, and evoking Keynesian economics. It took her days to write. Maybe weeks. Chickpea presented this presentation to the executive ranks of the company during a quarterly strategy meeting. Someone in the meeting commented on how well-written it was, and Chickpea thanked him, as if he had written it. He never mentioned the employee’s contribution, and now that employee has decided to look for a new job. Chickpea doesn’t know this, nor will anyone on his team ever tell him.
In fact, Chicpea doesn’t know that every member of this team is looking for a job One day soon, Chickpea’s team will have 100% turnover. This is what happens to Independents. They end up alone. People resent them for not taking responsibility, or for taking responsibility for things they didn’t do.
Sleep tight, Riley. And don’t’ forget, in November, vote for a Democrat.
Chickpea is not his real name, that’s what his employees call him behind his back. He’s the type of boss who takes credit for his employees work, leaves early every day, takes two hour lunches, cruises the internet for four hours while his team is doing his work and, pits employees against each other by spreading false information.
Recently, one of his top employees wrote a very lengthy dissertation about employee compensation, using citations that date back to the Roman times, and evoking Keynesian economics. It took her days to write. Maybe weeks. Chickpea presented this presentation to the executive ranks of the company during a quarterly strategy meeting. Someone in the meeting commented on how well-written it was, and Chickpea thanked him, as if he had written it. He never mentioned the employee’s contribution, and now that employee has decided to look for a new job. Chickpea doesn’t know this, nor will anyone on his team ever tell him.
In fact, Chicpea doesn’t know that every member of this team is looking for a job One day soon, Chickpea’s team will have 100% turnover. This is what happens to Independents. They end up alone. People resent them for not taking responsibility, or for taking responsibility for things they didn’t do.
Sleep tight, Riley. And don’t’ forget, in November, vote for a Democrat.
November 01, 2005
Random Thoughts on Current Events
I’ve had the misfortune of reading blogs where the blogger goes into detail about their physical ailments, like constipation, or oozing wounds. Not to be one of them, but I’ve had a nasty allergic reaction to shellfish, which resulted in a rash where the hives look like major GOP players. I think there is a god and I’m in trouble. Most disturbing was the welt that resembled Condi Rice but morphed into Kevin Spacey (who I think may be a Dem). Then there was the welt that resembled W inappropriately placed on my inner thigh. Dick Cheney’s doppelganger welt is very stubborn and insists on spreading up my side. I think that welt is out to kill me. These welts don’t react well to the steroids my doctor gave me. Just like a Republican, they have a get out my sandbox mentality. Unfortunately, none of my welts resemble my heroic senator, Harry Reid. He’s my new Jimmy Carter, except he can be really mean, which is great.
As a result of my illness, I haven’t been blogging like I should, but good lord, do I have some things to say. First off, Harry Reid is a hero. Let me rephrase: Harry Reid kicks ass. Is he too old to run for President. I like Hillary just fine, but Harry has balls of steel. This country needs him and to think, he’s my senator. I want him and my other favorite senator, Barbara Boxer, to marry and spawn litters of little hell-raising democrats.
Thank you, Harry, for drawing attention back to the crime at hand, the swampland in Iraq story that the W administration sold to this country. Rove is off his game. He thought that he could get the focus off Plamegate by having W announce that Sam Alito is his new nominee. And by the way, when that fails, haul out the Avian bird flu pandemic to get people riled up. Look, I’m a professional hypochondriac. At Christmas, my team of doctors send me cards saying, “thanks for putting my children through Harvard.” Even I’m not freaked about this bird flu thing, yet. When dead birds start showing up on my doorstep, I’ll do the logical thing and freak out, but in the meantime, what I really want to know is why do the leaders of our country think that personal retaliation is, what’s that word they like . . . oh yeah, Christian.
W, you screwed up again, little buddy. When you nominated Alito, you galvanized the Left who are pissed off that your people are hell bent on taking away our right to chose. W punkin’, there’s a word for you and your kind: evil. Immoral. Jackasses. Okay, that’s three words. SOBs. 4 words. Arrogant, self-righteous, hypocrites. I’m losing count.
As a result of my illness, I haven’t been blogging like I should, but good lord, do I have some things to say. First off, Harry Reid is a hero. Let me rephrase: Harry Reid kicks ass. Is he too old to run for President. I like Hillary just fine, but Harry has balls of steel. This country needs him and to think, he’s my senator. I want him and my other favorite senator, Barbara Boxer, to marry and spawn litters of little hell-raising democrats.
Thank you, Harry, for drawing attention back to the crime at hand, the swampland in Iraq story that the W administration sold to this country. Rove is off his game. He thought that he could get the focus off Plamegate by having W announce that Sam Alito is his new nominee. And by the way, when that fails, haul out the Avian bird flu pandemic to get people riled up. Look, I’m a professional hypochondriac. At Christmas, my team of doctors send me cards saying, “thanks for putting my children through Harvard.” Even I’m not freaked about this bird flu thing, yet. When dead birds start showing up on my doorstep, I’ll do the logical thing and freak out, but in the meantime, what I really want to know is why do the leaders of our country think that personal retaliation is, what’s that word they like . . . oh yeah, Christian.
W, you screwed up again, little buddy. When you nominated Alito, you galvanized the Left who are pissed off that your people are hell bent on taking away our right to chose. W punkin’, there’s a word for you and your kind: evil. Immoral. Jackasses. Okay, that’s three words. SOBs. 4 words. Arrogant, self-righteous, hypocrites. I’m losing count.
October 30, 2005
Scooter is no Patriot
Okay, forget Rove resigning, Bush and Cheney also need to resign. We’d be better off with the guy who mops the white house floors running the country than the Old-Boys-Club incarnate. If you voted for W, are you crying uncle yet? How can you possibly be proud of this man who called Libby "a great patriot," when giving a statement about Libby's resignation. Great Patriots don’t have a get-out-of-my-sandbox mentality, which Libby does have, as does W, Cheney, and shall I keep going?
And screw this whole great patriot thing. There are two definitions of “patriot.” The real one, citizens who care enough about their country to question the government and are not willing to let their decisions and policy wonking go without thorough scrutiny, then there’s W’s version: anyone neocon with stock in Haliburton.”
And screw this whole great patriot thing. There are two definitions of “patriot.” The real one, citizens who care enough about their country to question the government and are not willing to let their decisions and policy wonking go without thorough scrutiny, then there’s W’s version: anyone neocon with stock in Haliburton.”
October 28, 2005
Scooter Scoots
I just had my heart in my throat thanks to a big misread of the headlines on my part. I read, “Cheney Resigns After Indictment.” For a nano-second, my body and brain were nearly torn apart from the impulses each had. My body was racing to the phone, while my brain was going, “wow, there actually may be a god.” Then my eyes retraced their steps and I saw that I had left out the word, “advisor,” after Cheney. It’s a good day, not a great day, as a result.
On second thought, if Cheney resigned, W would put his little dyke pal in the VP seat, and then all those moderate Republicans would get insane ideas about how wouldn’t it be neat if the first woman president were also black. Yes it would, if she were pro choice.
If this happens, then we’ll have to hear Republicans blather on about how they freed the slaves, and how they really are the more progressive party – as if doing things like banning stem cell research, blocking decent gun control laws, and overturning Roe v. Wade are progressive. You think Republicans are insufferable now, just wait. While I’m happy to see Frist, DeLay, Cheney, Rove and lil’ Scooter fall, I can’t shake this feeling that it won’t mar the Republican party. I think we’ll have an Elephant in the White House come 2008, and I’m not just talking about the GOP mascot.
See how I can turn good news into misery? It’s true, I must be a Democrat.
On second thought, if Cheney resigned, W would put his little dyke pal in the VP seat, and then all those moderate Republicans would get insane ideas about how wouldn’t it be neat if the first woman president were also black. Yes it would, if she were pro choice.
If this happens, then we’ll have to hear Republicans blather on about how they freed the slaves, and how they really are the more progressive party – as if doing things like banning stem cell research, blocking decent gun control laws, and overturning Roe v. Wade are progressive. You think Republicans are insufferable now, just wait. While I’m happy to see Frist, DeLay, Cheney, Rove and lil’ Scooter fall, I can’t shake this feeling that it won’t mar the Republican party. I think we’ll have an Elephant in the White House come 2008, and I’m not just talking about the GOP mascot.
See how I can turn good news into misery? It’s true, I must be a Democrat.
Burning Questions about Plamegate
Confused about Plamegate? It gets murky, and there are a ton of questions. For example, how could the W administration allow a top aide to work in their ranks named Scooter? And how Republican is that, by the way? Scooter, let’s cut taxes for the rich, again. Daddy needs a new boat. By the way, Scooter, pass me that nine iron.
Second, how did Karl Rove become such a marketing guru looking like that? Marketing people are the beautiful people of the work force. We have nice hair and are thin and wear well-made clothes. We don’t look dishelved. And the best of us don't get caught in the many lies we spin.
Finally, how is it that President Cheney is taking the heat for something W should be responsible for? Oh, that’s right, he’s running things, not the puppet king.
The last question: will W end up getting impeached? I doubt it. If this were a sex scandal with a fat chick, yes, but this is a real issue, so therefore, no.
Second, how did Karl Rove become such a marketing guru looking like that? Marketing people are the beautiful people of the work force. We have nice hair and are thin and wear well-made clothes. We don’t look dishelved. And the best of us don't get caught in the many lies we spin.
Finally, how is it that President Cheney is taking the heat for something W should be responsible for? Oh, that’s right, he’s running things, not the puppet king.
The last question: will W end up getting impeached? I doubt it. If this were a sex scandal with a fat chick, yes, but this is a real issue, so therefore, no.
October 25, 2005
What's Sunny, Noble and Glimmers?
I want to like Chris Matthews, I really do. He’s a bit grouchy with his guests and I like that, and he’s not even grouchy in that obnoxious way Bill O’Reilly is. The Right claims he’s a liberal, and if so, he’s the worst liberal ever. Here’s the latest example: yesterday, he claimed that W “glimmers” with a “sunny nobility.” My cat, Sammy Davis Jr, glimmers with a sunny nobility after he’s had a meal and has licked himself in anticipation of his 22nd nap of the day. W doesn’t glisten, and while I’ll give him “Sunny” in the way that mentally challenged people are often cheery, the callus on my big toe is more noble than that little near-miss of a Cyclops from Texas.
Mathew’s gushing came during a discussion on Hardball with Washington Times editorial page editor Tony Blankley of the effects on the Bush administration of the investigation into the leak of the name of CIA operative Valerie Plame. Here’s the transcript:
BLANKLEY: Well, there are bad and there are worse. First of all, I think that perjury proven beyond a reasonable doubt is a serious felony. I thought that seven years ago about Clinton.[note from Lablogda: Let it go!]And I will think it this week, if that charge comes down and if the evidence supports it against Republican officials. But I think that the real question the White House and the president, personally, has to decide, presumably in the next several days, is how they're going to respond to whatever does come out, presuming it's not going to be a total clearance. And in that regard, I think the president would be ill-advised to try to minimize anything. I think he needs to make a clean break and set his administration looking forward and not get defensive. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. The evidence is either going to be there or not. And if he continues to try to defend what is something which will be, you know, indefensible, if in fact there are indictments -- is going to be a mistake, and it will drag him down. Whathe needs to do is put together some new staff, admit whatever mistakes have to be admitted, and start moving forward. He's got three years left in his administration, and it's important for him and for the country that he be functional.
MATTHEWS: You know, Tony, there is in the past, it's not always there, but sometimes it glimmers with this man, our president, that kind of sunny nobility. How does he bring it back, because it hasn't been apparent for a while now?
Mathew’s gushing came during a discussion on Hardball with Washington Times editorial page editor Tony Blankley of the effects on the Bush administration of the investigation into the leak of the name of CIA operative Valerie Plame. Here’s the transcript:
BLANKLEY: Well, there are bad and there are worse. First of all, I think that perjury proven beyond a reasonable doubt is a serious felony. I thought that seven years ago about Clinton.[note from Lablogda: Let it go!]And I will think it this week, if that charge comes down and if the evidence supports it against Republican officials. But I think that the real question the White House and the president, personally, has to decide, presumably in the next several days, is how they're going to respond to whatever does come out, presuming it's not going to be a total clearance. And in that regard, I think the president would be ill-advised to try to minimize anything. I think he needs to make a clean break and set his administration looking forward and not get defensive. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. The evidence is either going to be there or not. And if he continues to try to defend what is something which will be, you know, indefensible, if in fact there are indictments -- is going to be a mistake, and it will drag him down. Whathe needs to do is put together some new staff, admit whatever mistakes have to be admitted, and start moving forward. He's got three years left in his administration, and it's important for him and for the country that he be functional.
MATTHEWS: You know, Tony, there is in the past, it's not always there, but sometimes it glimmers with this man, our president, that kind of sunny nobility. How does he bring it back, because it hasn't been apparent for a while now?
October 22, 2005
Is Dick Getting Limp?
Dick, Dick, Dick, you big Dick you. Are you getting a bit flaccid? What’s this I hear about your possible resignation? Don’t dick around with my emotions, Dick.
Through my sources, I've learned this juicy tidbit: if Dick resigns, it’s not over Plamegate, it’s because he was involved in some fraudulent documents about WMD in Iraq. Like we didn’t guess that already, but someone has their dick caught in the cookie jar, evidently.
On to a more personal note, which for me is more interesting, this same friend told me that our mutual friend, “Kev,” who does not read this blog because it’s too insulting to W, is one of those hard core Republicans who is justifying all the administration’s meltdown to those trouble-making Democrats. So Kev, there is only one thing to do with you: you’ve been clipped from my social circle. That’s right: you’re banned from the light that is LaBlogda. You are a spineless sheep and next time you have troubles with your domineering spouse or your ungrateful children, don’t come telling me about it. Shame on you for still supporting W and his cronies.
Now it’s time for me to stop dicking around and get back to Dick. Read this about how the evil Dr. Dick has hijacked foreign policy, and how Condi Rice is one wimpy sidekick to W.
Through my sources, I've learned this juicy tidbit: if Dick resigns, it’s not over Plamegate, it’s because he was involved in some fraudulent documents about WMD in Iraq. Like we didn’t guess that already, but someone has their dick caught in the cookie jar, evidently.
On to a more personal note, which for me is more interesting, this same friend told me that our mutual friend, “Kev,” who does not read this blog because it’s too insulting to W, is one of those hard core Republicans who is justifying all the administration’s meltdown to those trouble-making Democrats. So Kev, there is only one thing to do with you: you’ve been clipped from my social circle. That’s right: you’re banned from the light that is LaBlogda. You are a spineless sheep and next time you have troubles with your domineering spouse or your ungrateful children, don’t come telling me about it. Shame on you for still supporting W and his cronies.
Now it’s time for me to stop dicking around and get back to Dick. Read this about how the evil Dr. Dick has hijacked foreign policy, and how Condi Rice is one wimpy sidekick to W.
October 19, 2005
Republicans: Say Uncle
So if you voted for W, what’s it like to know that you voted for one of the most corrupt, if not the most corrupt, administration in the history of our country? You voted this President into office for a variety of reasons, depending on who you are: a party-line Republican who wanted to protect your money and get a fat tax break, an Evangelical Christian who believed this man was chosen by God himself, or just your average moron who doesn’t know better. Okay, that’s redundant with the first two, but, since I can’t get any Republicans to apologize for voting for W and thereby ruining the country, can I at least get an answer? How embarrassed are you at this point that you voted for this man, who among the many disasters, gave Rove power? Actually, Rove gave him the power: it’s called good marketing. W is the Marketing President, but as every ethical marketing person knows, you can sell a product for awhile, but if you really don’t have a good product to begin, or if you aren’t applying a high standard of ethics in the way you market, sooner or later, your product will be taken off the shelf.
Sorry, I know La Blogda is supposed to be funny, but I’m just too angry that the inevitable is unfolding, that the people in my camp weren't the ones who turned out to be wrong. I wish we had been. I wish Bush would have been the great leader and president that GOP followers said he was. Those of us who’ve hated Bush since the Republicans stole the election in 2000 knew that sooner or later this man, and his cronies, would drive this country into the ground. We all knew that the truth would come out about them. And now that it is all happening, there’s no silver lining, there’s nothing to be happy about. But I’ve said it before and I’ll continue saying: I don’t blame what’s happening in this country on W, I blame it on the people who voted for him. I blame it on the folks who fell for the blatant marketing.
Sorry, I know La Blogda is supposed to be funny, but I’m just too angry that the inevitable is unfolding, that the people in my camp weren't the ones who turned out to be wrong. I wish we had been. I wish Bush would have been the great leader and president that GOP followers said he was. Those of us who’ve hated Bush since the Republicans stole the election in 2000 knew that sooner or later this man, and his cronies, would drive this country into the ground. We all knew that the truth would come out about them. And now that it is all happening, there’s no silver lining, there’s nothing to be happy about. But I’ve said it before and I’ll continue saying: I don’t blame what’s happening in this country on W, I blame it on the people who voted for him. I blame it on the folks who fell for the blatant marketing.
October 17, 2005
The World has Gone Mad! Mad I Tell You!
Democrats are gloating that W’s approval rating is down to 39%. I say, “WHAT???” Who are those 39% and are they in the midst of a stroke?
What does it take for his base to erode? Are they just sheep? Do they just tow the party line? I don’t understand these hanger-ons anymore than I understand why there are people out there who want Roe v. Wade overturned, or why no one is discussing W’s funky eyes. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIS EYES? Is he cockeyed or are they just so close together he’s a step away from a monacle? Is this what is meant by shifty-eyed, and if so, why did a tiny fraction over half of the country elect him?
The world has gone mad and I’m feeling like I’m the last person with a bottle of Prozac in my medicine cabinet.
What does it take for his base to erode? Are they just sheep? Do they just tow the party line? I don’t understand these hanger-ons anymore than I understand why there are people out there who want Roe v. Wade overturned, or why no one is discussing W’s funky eyes. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIS EYES? Is he cockeyed or are they just so close together he’s a step away from a monacle? Is this what is meant by shifty-eyed, and if so, why did a tiny fraction over half of the country elect him?
The world has gone mad and I’m feeling like I’m the last person with a bottle of Prozac in my medicine cabinet.
October 15, 2005
Must Conservatives be so Blatant?
Of all the reasons the conservatives have for not liking Harriet Mier, their big bone of contention is that they aren’t sure if she is anti-choice. Will the far right not be satisfied until it is mandatory that every woman in this country squirt out a kid? Listen up, Jesus freaks: if I get pregnant and have a kid, I’m whipping the little rat. Hard! And I’m doing it just because you’ve pissed me off! Again! Would you right-wingers please just get laid, get drunk and get off our backs?
As you can imagine, I’m a huge advocate of abortion, not as a regular means of birth control, but for those times when accidents happen, like the screaming little hell hound I had to sit next to on the flight back from NYC last week. Believe me when I said that the child, nor its lackadaisical mother, had any redeeming qualities. Had the plane gone down, surely my last thoughts would have been, “at least the world will be rid of these two.” Sound harsh? Fine, you sit by them next time.
Why can’t we have a Supreme Court Justice who doesn’t have a staunch belief either way? I know tons of apathetic people who could care less if a woman has reproductive rights or not. Just plop a case down in front of them and ask them to make a decision based on previous law and certain criteria. They can do it; they can come to a fair and impartial decision. And by the way, Harriet Miers is soooo against abortion, don’t worry, you lil’ right wing bible thumpers. She’ll be taking away civil rights and personal liberties in no time.
As you can imagine, I’m a huge advocate of abortion, not as a regular means of birth control, but for those times when accidents happen, like the screaming little hell hound I had to sit next to on the flight back from NYC last week. Believe me when I said that the child, nor its lackadaisical mother, had any redeeming qualities. Had the plane gone down, surely my last thoughts would have been, “at least the world will be rid of these two.” Sound harsh? Fine, you sit by them next time.
Why can’t we have a Supreme Court Justice who doesn’t have a staunch belief either way? I know tons of apathetic people who could care less if a woman has reproductive rights or not. Just plop a case down in front of them and ask them to make a decision based on previous law and certain criteria. They can do it; they can come to a fair and impartial decision. And by the way, Harriet Miers is soooo against abortion, don’t worry, you lil’ right wing bible thumpers. She’ll be taking away civil rights and personal liberties in no time.
October 14, 2005
Uncle Sam Wants You, Again.
When I returned from New York this week, my office was buzzing with the news about one of our co-workers, Wes. Wes is a nice guy. He’s about 56, and reminds me a bit of Santa Clause, minus the beard. He’s chubby and cheery with a balding head of gray hair. Uncle Sam must like Wes, too, because he’s recalled him into the army. Wes has to report to Iraq at some point in the next three weeks to two months. Why would Uncle Same want a chubby, cheery guy who retired from the military 14 years ago? Wes has a critical MOS: Counter Intelligence. Now all the guys in my office who served in the military are all concerned because if the army can nab Wes, who can barely walk down the hall without having to stop to catch his breath, imagine what they will do with the 20 and 30 somethings who just got out of the military a few years ago.
I’d like to compare W’s record against Carter’s, the president most Republicans like to say is the worst president in history. Say what you will, but Carter never started a senseless war. The entire security team in my office has legitimate concerns that they may be required to go fight a war that does not need to be fought. Imagine losing your life because some cockeyed bastard from Texas wanted to revenge Daddy’s big loss?
So if you voted for Bush, I just have to ask again, are you satisfied? You've helped ruin the country! Didn’t the first four years give you enough warning? How much pain do you like inflicted on you and those around you?
Fair warning: My husband is also on the critical MOS list. I will not stand by silently and let my 55 year old husband who is hard of hearing and can barely see get sent to Iraq because some fool from Texas has run the country into the ground. If he does, this blog is going to get a lot nastier about Bush and the jackasses that voted for him, as well as the jackasses who didn’t vote at all because they felt both candidates were bad. Just how bad to do you think Kerry could have been? Surely not this bad.
I’d like to compare W’s record against Carter’s, the president most Republicans like to say is the worst president in history. Say what you will, but Carter never started a senseless war. The entire security team in my office has legitimate concerns that they may be required to go fight a war that does not need to be fought. Imagine losing your life because some cockeyed bastard from Texas wanted to revenge Daddy’s big loss?
So if you voted for Bush, I just have to ask again, are you satisfied? You've helped ruin the country! Didn’t the first four years give you enough warning? How much pain do you like inflicted on you and those around you?
Fair warning: My husband is also on the critical MOS list. I will not stand by silently and let my 55 year old husband who is hard of hearing and can barely see get sent to Iraq because some fool from Texas has run the country into the ground. If he does, this blog is going to get a lot nastier about Bush and the jackasses that voted for him, as well as the jackasses who didn’t vote at all because they felt both candidates were bad. Just how bad to do you think Kerry could have been? Surely not this bad.
October 07, 2005
Bad Week to Be a Republican
Before I go to NYC, one last thought: it’s been a good week. Rove, Frist, DeLay and God’s lil’ buddy W himself are all in hot water. Ann Coulter and Andrew Sullivan have even had enough of them. If God’s not a Democrat, then it’s good to know he’s also not a Republican.
I have been remiss in my blog the past few weeks (well, okay, since I started it) because I really have not covered the mess that the leaders of the Republican party have gotten themselves into.
Things are looking bad for W and his cronies. In fact, cronies are the key word here. He picked Church Lady to sit on the Supreme Court just because she thinks he’s the most brilliant man she ever met. Considering her previous job as head of the state lottery, this is not saying much.
I’ve said it before, but does W ever review resumes when there’s a job opening? If another Supreme Court Justice dies or steps down, I’m betting Laura gets nominated. After all, she was a librarian, so she must read, a concept as foreign to W as, well, picking a qualified candidate.
While we’re on the subject of people behaving badly, isn’t the Government giving NOLA about a gazillion dollars so they can rebuild? What’s with them laying off 3,000 people? Isn’t that the sort of thing the money is for? I mean it’s great that the French Quarter is open and we tourists can get drunk off our foot-long Hurrican Katrina, but how are you going to rebuild a city when the lady who you pay your parking tickets to has been fired?
One last thought: Is it possible that W’s crones put out this new terrorists threat to take the heat off of them? That’s what the Conventional Wisdom is saying. If this is true, then Rove has lost his touch. The brilliant marketing guy has run out of marketing ideas.
Geez, this means the country is without a head marketer. Do you think President Cheney would hire me?
I have been remiss in my blog the past few weeks (well, okay, since I started it) because I really have not covered the mess that the leaders of the Republican party have gotten themselves into.
Things are looking bad for W and his cronies. In fact, cronies are the key word here. He picked Church Lady to sit on the Supreme Court just because she thinks he’s the most brilliant man she ever met. Considering her previous job as head of the state lottery, this is not saying much.
I’ve said it before, but does W ever review resumes when there’s a job opening? If another Supreme Court Justice dies or steps down, I’m betting Laura gets nominated. After all, she was a librarian, so she must read, a concept as foreign to W as, well, picking a qualified candidate.
While we’re on the subject of people behaving badly, isn’t the Government giving NOLA about a gazillion dollars so they can rebuild? What’s with them laying off 3,000 people? Isn’t that the sort of thing the money is for? I mean it’s great that the French Quarter is open and we tourists can get drunk off our foot-long Hurrican Katrina, but how are you going to rebuild a city when the lady who you pay your parking tickets to has been fired?
One last thought: Is it possible that W’s crones put out this new terrorists threat to take the heat off of them? That’s what the Conventional Wisdom is saying. If this is true, then Rove has lost his touch. The brilliant marketing guy has run out of marketing ideas.
Geez, this means the country is without a head marketer. Do you think President Cheney would hire me?
Don't Mess With New York City
I'm off to NYC for a few day, where terrorists threats are making the headlines. I'm more of a taxi girl myself, but I have to admit that when I heard yesterday about the threats to the subway system, my first thoughts were, of course, about me. I like to envision myself in various scenarios, say, taking a private jet to NYC and drinking champagne, as opposed to the what will really happen, which is I’ll have a middle seat in coach taking Jet Blue. Instead of drinking champagne I’ll be trying to open a mini bag of pretzels with my teeth. Envisioning yourself smack in the middle of a terrorist attack is obviously no one's idea of "happy thoughts."
I’ll tell you what is a happy thought. Michael Bloomberg and all involved did a great job alerting New York and beefing up security. I don’t know if any New Yorkers agree with me, but I wish Vegas, and the Federal government, had half the brains those in charge of NYC have.
Anyway, I won’t be blogging for a few days, but I’ll be back mid-week, and hopefully, the only attack I will have to report on is an attack of heartburn I’ll get after eating at the Italian joint down the block.
I’ll tell you what is a happy thought. Michael Bloomberg and all involved did a great job alerting New York and beefing up security. I don’t know if any New Yorkers agree with me, but I wish Vegas, and the Federal government, had half the brains those in charge of NYC have.
Anyway, I won’t be blogging for a few days, but I’ll be back mid-week, and hopefully, the only attack I will have to report on is an attack of heartburn I’ll get after eating at the Italian joint down the block.
October 06, 2005
The Things Those Two Must Talk About!
The news today is that Bush chats with God. God told W to go kick some ass in Afghanistan. So he did. Then he told him to go open a can of whup ass on those Iraqis. So he did. Now God wants him to get the Palestinians their state and the Israelis their security, and God used poor grammar just like a Texan because God drinks beer and is no snob. Anyway, W is going to get them some peace in the Middle East. What didn’t make the news today is that I, too, speak to God. He told me to go and buy a bunch of Prada. So I did. And now I’m in debt up to my eyeballs. But, damn! I look good.
I think it’s great that God is a Texan. I think it’s great that God invented W. Oh wait, Karl Rove invented W. Oh well, thank God for Prada.
I think it’s great that God is a Texan. I think it’s great that God invented W. Oh wait, Karl Rove invented W. Oh well, thank God for Prada.
October 04, 2005
O'Reilly Takes on Media Matters
I admit that I often visit the Media Matters website. I rather like what they have to say and I'm sure I've linked to them a time or two. But today Bill O'Reilly attacked them fairly hard, and said that they were the worst of all the blogs out there. At one point, he called them slimeballs or something similar. Of course, he didn't mention La Blogda, because there's only about 20 of you who know it exists, and I've gotten drunk with most of you, which has nothing to do with blogging -- actually, it sort of does since I like to drink and blog.
Back to my point (no wonder O'Reilly didn't mention La Blogda) if you have visited Media Matters, let me know what you think. Do you agree with O'Reilly or me? Frankly, I'm shocked he didn't mention blogsforbush.com, but then again, Fox News is fair and balanced news, for the right wing. He kept referring to the Media Matters readers as sheep. Those guys over at BFB are all wool.
Back to my point (no wonder O'Reilly didn't mention La Blogda) if you have visited Media Matters, let me know what you think. Do you agree with O'Reilly or me? Frankly, I'm shocked he didn't mention blogsforbush.com, but then again, Fox News is fair and balanced news, for the right wing. He kept referring to the Media Matters readers as sheep. Those guys over at BFB are all wool.
DeLay's delay tactics
Ahh, Election Year 2000. W promised a nice bi-partisan administration, where dems and reps worked like a team. Fast forward. Let's see what his minions are up to:
"The judicial incompetence and political hatred that Ronnie Earle showed today demonstrates that Texans did not elect their best and brightest to the position of Travis County DA," DeLay spokesman Stuart Roy said. "Ronnie Earle may truly be the Elmer Fudd of politics." Sounds like team work to me.
"Ronnie Earle has stooped to a new low with his brand of prosecutorial abuse," DeLay said in a statement. "He is trying to pull the legal equivalent of a 'do-over' since he knows very well that the charges he brought against me last week are totally manufactured and illegitimate. This is an abomination of justice." A simple, "I'm guilty" would also work here, Mr. DeLay.
Hey Republicans, keep up the stellar work. You are holding dear the highest standard of ethics you embrace: lying, cheating, winning at all costs, circling the wagons, denying, defending the crones, keeping the sandbox to yourselves. God Bless America. The Republicans are still in charge.My guess is they will be for a long time. Anyone who thinks this is the beginning of the end for them obviously believed Kerry would win the 2004 election. As if They would let that happen.
"The judicial incompetence and political hatred that Ronnie Earle showed today demonstrates that Texans did not elect their best and brightest to the position of Travis County DA," DeLay spokesman Stuart Roy said. "Ronnie Earle may truly be the Elmer Fudd of politics." Sounds like team work to me.
"Ronnie Earle has stooped to a new low with his brand of prosecutorial abuse," DeLay said in a statement. "He is trying to pull the legal equivalent of a 'do-over' since he knows very well that the charges he brought against me last week are totally manufactured and illegitimate. This is an abomination of justice." A simple, "I'm guilty" would also work here, Mr. DeLay.
Hey Republicans, keep up the stellar work. You are holding dear the highest standard of ethics you embrace: lying, cheating, winning at all costs, circling the wagons, denying, defending the crones, keeping the sandbox to yourselves. God Bless America. The Republicans are still in charge.My guess is they will be for a long time. Anyone who thinks this is the beginning of the end for them obviously believed Kerry would win the 2004 election. As if They would let that happen.
October 02, 2005
Warning: Rant Vaguely Related to DeLay
Oh. My. God. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. I can’t decide if I hate the Republicans who voted for W more than I hate W and his cronies. So much too hate; so little time. When I started this blog, a blog targeting people who behave badly, I had no idea that our current Government would behave so damn badly. It’s like they’ve stepped up their bad assness lately. Slap some Birkenstocks on me, force feed me some tofu and granola and call me a hippy, but, good god almighty, if being anti-establishment means hating our current government, then send my lilly white ass to Woodstock and turn me loose on some free love.
Okay, on to hate. You must read this blog: www.blogsforbush. I think they are serious. If they are trying to be funny, they are failing (like me most of the time), but in a more flagrant way. Their post about liberals being gone in 20 or 30 years reminds me of my own wish list, that by the time I retire, I will be dripping in bling and Prada (sort of ruins that hippy thing earlier). Do they not realize that as long as there are gays (forget those Log Cabin Republicans, that’s for gays who don’t have the style gene), blacks (forget Black Republicans, that’s for closet lesbian blacks like some high-ranking cabinet member who has the initials CR) or dumbass women who have no excuse but ignorance (If Ann Coulter were so smart, she’d fix that wardrobe), there will be a party opposing the Republicans, Democrat or otherwisw?
Of course, given the nature of my blog, I’m all about hate -- so look at me being a hypocrite. However, I’m small potatoes so now move on to the people in power who unfortunately count.
Why I am so outraged today after two weeks of being comatose? Well, the jet-lag thing from Hong Kong is dissipating, but mainly, GOD I HATE TOM DeLAY. Listen to this smug-ass former pest control guy discussing his “issue” which he blames on nasty evil Democrats. Like Republicans never went after the opposition before (Calling Bill Clinton; blow jobs from fat chicks on line 1).
"I think it will be over and be over very, very soon. And I think I will go back to be majority leader," DeLay told "Fox News Sunday." "And at the same time, I'm still a member of Congress. I'm going to be working on the agenda and doing everything I can to make good things happen.”
Uh-huh, good things. Like ignoring the plight of black and/or poor New Orleans when they needed the Federal Government most, or helping W lie about WMD, or kickbacks to President Cheney’s cronies in Iraq and the Gulf of Mexico, and, oh hell, I’m too old to go on.
We have never had a more crooked government than our current one. They are not fascist. They are not Nazis. They are capitalist behaving badly and in the worst way. Capitalism can be a wonderful thing, i.e, bling and Prada, but in the hands of a bunch of unattractive men with comb-overs, and a puppet leader with eyes so close together he needs a monocle, it’s nothing but America-Gone-Wild. Cue MTV, give us a rap singer, find Tara Reid. Our government has made ho-bags out of us.
Okay, on to hate. You must read this blog: www.blogsforbush. I think they are serious. If they are trying to be funny, they are failing (like me most of the time), but in a more flagrant way. Their post about liberals being gone in 20 or 30 years reminds me of my own wish list, that by the time I retire, I will be dripping in bling and Prada (sort of ruins that hippy thing earlier). Do they not realize that as long as there are gays (forget those Log Cabin Republicans, that’s for gays who don’t have the style gene), blacks (forget Black Republicans, that’s for closet lesbian blacks like some high-ranking cabinet member who has the initials CR) or dumbass women who have no excuse but ignorance (If Ann Coulter were so smart, she’d fix that wardrobe), there will be a party opposing the Republicans, Democrat or otherwisw?
Of course, given the nature of my blog, I’m all about hate -- so look at me being a hypocrite. However, I’m small potatoes so now move on to the people in power who unfortunately count.
Why I am so outraged today after two weeks of being comatose? Well, the jet-lag thing from Hong Kong is dissipating, but mainly, GOD I HATE TOM DeLAY. Listen to this smug-ass former pest control guy discussing his “issue” which he blames on nasty evil Democrats. Like Republicans never went after the opposition before (Calling Bill Clinton; blow jobs from fat chicks on line 1).
"I think it will be over and be over very, very soon. And I think I will go back to be majority leader," DeLay told "Fox News Sunday." "And at the same time, I'm still a member of Congress. I'm going to be working on the agenda and doing everything I can to make good things happen.”
Uh-huh, good things. Like ignoring the plight of black and/or poor New Orleans when they needed the Federal Government most, or helping W lie about WMD, or kickbacks to President Cheney’s cronies in Iraq and the Gulf of Mexico, and, oh hell, I’m too old to go on.
We have never had a more crooked government than our current one. They are not fascist. They are not Nazis. They are capitalist behaving badly and in the worst way. Capitalism can be a wonderful thing, i.e, bling and Prada, but in the hands of a bunch of unattractive men with comb-overs, and a puppet leader with eyes so close together he needs a monocle, it’s nothing but America-Gone-Wild. Cue MTV, give us a rap singer, find Tara Reid. Our government has made ho-bags out of us.
October 01, 2005
Left-Winged Press Not Too Liberal
I hate to criticize the media after their coverage of Katrina, because I think they did a fine job, allowing the outrage of reporters-in-the-thick to not be edited out or spinned into something more palatable for our disastrous president. However, what is wrong with those SOBs? They should be all over Tom DeLay’s scandal, and now that Judith Miller is out of jail and singing, Cheney is now in the hot seat, or at least his Chief-of-Staff is over Plamegate. The media’s lackadaisical take on all this news makes me wonder, does W jerk off the right wing media everyday? No, he wouldn’t do that. Rove would.
Frankly, I had to get my news of Scooter Libby’s implication from “The Hindu,” as I was haplessly Googling across the Internet. Yeah. I didn’t get it from CNN or the ever-so-shameful Fox News.
But the latest shameful revelations leads me to ask one question that everyone who didn’t vote for W needs to ask, and it’s directed at you few Republicans who read this blog. Now that you’ve ruined this country by putting this administration back in office a second time, how do you look at yourself in the mirror? Talk about Weapons of Mass Destruction, that’s what you Republicans are. You are so hell bent on having your way that you actually voted for someone you had to have known in your heart was bad for our country. Admit it, if you are capable of looking within yourself, you know a little voice told you W was bad. But no, you’d rather wreck the country than see a Democrat in office. The worst thing the last Democrat did was lie to the country about having sex with a fat chick. The worst thing your guy did was lie to the country about his reasoning for go to war. Please, do us all a favor and stop voting. In the very least, that should be the penalty for wrecking a nation with bad judgment.
Frankly, I had to get my news of Scooter Libby’s implication from “The Hindu,” as I was haplessly Googling across the Internet. Yeah. I didn’t get it from CNN or the ever-so-shameful Fox News.
But the latest shameful revelations leads me to ask one question that everyone who didn’t vote for W needs to ask, and it’s directed at you few Republicans who read this blog. Now that you’ve ruined this country by putting this administration back in office a second time, how do you look at yourself in the mirror? Talk about Weapons of Mass Destruction, that’s what you Republicans are. You are so hell bent on having your way that you actually voted for someone you had to have known in your heart was bad for our country. Admit it, if you are capable of looking within yourself, you know a little voice told you W was bad. But no, you’d rather wreck the country than see a Democrat in office. The worst thing the last Democrat did was lie to the country about having sex with a fat chick. The worst thing your guy did was lie to the country about his reasoning for go to war. Please, do us all a favor and stop voting. In the very least, that should be the penalty for wrecking a nation with bad judgment.
September 30, 2005
Hong Kong and the Really Bad Band
To all my friends who’ve been emailing me asking me why I haven’t blogged, why I’ve missed opportunities to insult that paragon of milk toast, John Roberts, why I haven’t said anything about DeLay or Frist’s latest shenanigans or how I could refrain from commenting on last night’s news about the latest development in Rove’s Plamegate, just let me say this: those Asians over there in Hong Kong kicked my ass and I’ve been too tired to do anything other than watch network TV, which, by the way has left me traumatized because Alias killed off uber-cute spy Michael Vartan.
I will say this about Hong Kong: it’s the best diet I’ve ever been on. When your choices of fine dining include pork knuckles and jellyfish, sliced pig’s ear or chicken maw (dried stomach lining), I’ll settle for just a bottle of that really bad Chilean wine they have. When you go into a supposedly fine restaurant and Conch Y Torro is all they have on the list, you know you ain’t in Kansas anymore. Well, actually, you probably are, but you sure as hell aren’t in Napa, which I now consider sacred ground. To paraphrase the Texans: don’t mess with Napa. Unless you are Sonoma.
The highlight of my Asian trip involved either Americans or Canadians. I’d like to think they were Canadian because it adds to the story, but I never got the chance to find out. Miss Paris (you remember her from earlier blogs) and I were at Totts, on top of the Excelsior, having a late night café latte (pretty sure it was made with Nescafe) when all of a sudden, this band takes the stage.
The lead singer took a detour in 1984 and never looked back. She wore a cabbie hat, a striped shirt with a big wide belt, and knickers. She looked like a bad Pat Benetar, which is saying something. The drummer decided to do a Mohawk style hairdo without getting an actual hair cut. Let’s just say it involved a tube of gel. The bass and guitar players were rejects from Rufus. Then there was the backup singer, the only Asian in the bunch. She was about 6 feet tall and a size zero, and for some reason, had on see-through pants with high-rise yellow underwear. I don’t think it was intended as a fashion statement. In fact, I think the whole band reveled in one large fashion faux pas.
Can anyone explain to me what “T to the O to the R to the Y” means? The lead singer, “Pat” kept saying that. We figured her name was Tory or the band’s name was Tory. Then she would walk into the audience and go up to someone with a mike, who was dancing on the dance floor and go, “Scuse me! Did I ever tell you I’m so proud of you honey bunny?”
Our jaws were dropped the entire set. By the time she did an odd melody of Get Down On It, Every Breath You Take and Boogie Nights our heads were spinning like the Exorcist. I know. I didn’t get that melody either.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any odder, she yells “DRUMS!” while doing a two-armed wave. The drummer flies into a solo, the top of his half-ass mohawked gel thudding around on his head. Then a moment later we hear her say, as she does air guitar, “Give me a little guitar.” Rufus reject did
The highlight was “Da Doo Doo Doo, Da Da Da Da.” Talk about your dadaist moment. The back up singer took over lead vocals and got down and dirty with the audience, handing the mike to old Japanese tourists cutting a rug on the dance floor. They spoke-sang the refrain and left out the “Ls” just like on TV. One man in particular like to point when he shuffled-danced. He mainly pointed at the floor. His rendition of the song was particular poignant as he would not turn the mike back over to the singer and she had to pull it away.
Then there was the blonde lady who liked to simply spin on the dance floor. She spinned like a top. She had an Asian girlfriend who was trying to keep up with her, but could actually dance, and it was getting in the way of her constant spinning.
There really was no way to top this band on the trip, not even the chicken maw. We never found out their name, and they did not play the next night, our final night in Hong Kong.
When people tour a place, a bit of the locale remains with them. The scent of a place, the view from a particular location, the sounds. For me and Miss Paris, our memory of Hong Kong will involve bad food and a really funny, but terrible band of Americans. Or Canadians. We’ll never know.
I will say this about Hong Kong: it’s the best diet I’ve ever been on. When your choices of fine dining include pork knuckles and jellyfish, sliced pig’s ear or chicken maw (dried stomach lining), I’ll settle for just a bottle of that really bad Chilean wine they have. When you go into a supposedly fine restaurant and Conch Y Torro is all they have on the list, you know you ain’t in Kansas anymore. Well, actually, you probably are, but you sure as hell aren’t in Napa, which I now consider sacred ground. To paraphrase the Texans: don’t mess with Napa. Unless you are Sonoma.
The highlight of my Asian trip involved either Americans or Canadians. I’d like to think they were Canadian because it adds to the story, but I never got the chance to find out. Miss Paris (you remember her from earlier blogs) and I were at Totts, on top of the Excelsior, having a late night café latte (pretty sure it was made with Nescafe) when all of a sudden, this band takes the stage.
The lead singer took a detour in 1984 and never looked back. She wore a cabbie hat, a striped shirt with a big wide belt, and knickers. She looked like a bad Pat Benetar, which is saying something. The drummer decided to do a Mohawk style hairdo without getting an actual hair cut. Let’s just say it involved a tube of gel. The bass and guitar players were rejects from Rufus. Then there was the backup singer, the only Asian in the bunch. She was about 6 feet tall and a size zero, and for some reason, had on see-through pants with high-rise yellow underwear. I don’t think it was intended as a fashion statement. In fact, I think the whole band reveled in one large fashion faux pas.
Can anyone explain to me what “T to the O to the R to the Y” means? The lead singer, “Pat” kept saying that. We figured her name was Tory or the band’s name was Tory. Then she would walk into the audience and go up to someone with a mike, who was dancing on the dance floor and go, “Scuse me! Did I ever tell you I’m so proud of you honey bunny?”
Our jaws were dropped the entire set. By the time she did an odd melody of Get Down On It, Every Breath You Take and Boogie Nights our heads were spinning like the Exorcist. I know. I didn’t get that melody either.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any odder, she yells “DRUMS!” while doing a two-armed wave. The drummer flies into a solo, the top of his half-ass mohawked gel thudding around on his head. Then a moment later we hear her say, as she does air guitar, “Give me a little guitar.” Rufus reject did
The highlight was “Da Doo Doo Doo, Da Da Da Da.” Talk about your dadaist moment. The back up singer took over lead vocals and got down and dirty with the audience, handing the mike to old Japanese tourists cutting a rug on the dance floor. They spoke-sang the refrain and left out the “Ls” just like on TV. One man in particular like to point when he shuffled-danced. He mainly pointed at the floor. His rendition of the song was particular poignant as he would not turn the mike back over to the singer and she had to pull it away.
Then there was the blonde lady who liked to simply spin on the dance floor. She spinned like a top. She had an Asian girlfriend who was trying to keep up with her, but could actually dance, and it was getting in the way of her constant spinning.
There really was no way to top this band on the trip, not even the chicken maw. We never found out their name, and they did not play the next night, our final night in Hong Kong.
When people tour a place, a bit of the locale remains with them. The scent of a place, the view from a particular location, the sounds. For me and Miss Paris, our memory of Hong Kong will involve bad food and a really funny, but terrible band of Americans. Or Canadians. We’ll never know.
September 27, 2005
Too Jet-lagged for a Clever Headline
I’m back from Hong Kong, and I was horrified to learn that while I was gone, Cheney underwent surgery, and W took over as president.
Turns out, he did a great job! No new wars were started, pus, Rove learned from his mistakes with Katrina and had W do smart-acting things. I think I should leave the country more often.
Cheney made it through surgery with flying colors, which proves that if there is a god, he does not listen to my prayers. Of course, maybe he did and disagreed with me, thinking it’s better to have Cheney/Rove at the helm than to actually have W running things. He’s probably right – it’s best to just let W (and his woefully jack-assy supporters) think he’s running things.
On an ironic note, while in Hong Kong, we had a level 3 typhoon. I didn’t think it was a big deal till I read the daily English paper, which referred to Rita as the same kind of typhoon. Either the report was wrong, or those folks in Hong Kong really know how to withstand a hurricane.
By the way, if you should find yourself in Hong Kong, go with the intention of dieting, unless your idea of a good meal is pork knuckles with jelly fish, or sliced pig’s ear. My advice, if you like sushi, get your hepatitis A shot and dine at Wasabisabi every night. It was the only good meal in town.
When I finally recover from my trip (my body is 15 hours ahead and thinks I should be either sleeping or eating chicken maw) I will try to entertain you with a travel log of my journey. In the meantime, I need to bond all over with my cat, Sammy Davis, Jr, whose abandonment issues are acting up. He doesn't understand that gifts from the litter box are actually not gifts -- and in this case, it is not the thought that counts.
Turns out, he did a great job! No new wars were started, pus, Rove learned from his mistakes with Katrina and had W do smart-acting things. I think I should leave the country more often.
Cheney made it through surgery with flying colors, which proves that if there is a god, he does not listen to my prayers. Of course, maybe he did and disagreed with me, thinking it’s better to have Cheney/Rove at the helm than to actually have W running things. He’s probably right – it’s best to just let W (and his woefully jack-assy supporters) think he’s running things.
On an ironic note, while in Hong Kong, we had a level 3 typhoon. I didn’t think it was a big deal till I read the daily English paper, which referred to Rita as the same kind of typhoon. Either the report was wrong, or those folks in Hong Kong really know how to withstand a hurricane.
By the way, if you should find yourself in Hong Kong, go with the intention of dieting, unless your idea of a good meal is pork knuckles with jelly fish, or sliced pig’s ear. My advice, if you like sushi, get your hepatitis A shot and dine at Wasabisabi every night. It was the only good meal in town.
When I finally recover from my trip (my body is 15 hours ahead and thinks I should be either sleeping or eating chicken maw) I will try to entertain you with a travel log of my journey. In the meantime, I need to bond all over with my cat, Sammy Davis, Jr, whose abandonment issues are acting up. He doesn't understand that gifts from the litter box are actually not gifts -- and in this case, it is not the thought that counts.
September 17, 2005
Great Quote About the Master of Disaster
I'm off to Hong Kong for a while, so I may not get a chance to blog again for over a week. It all depends on my work schedule and my proximity to Internet hookup. In recent weeks, there's been a lot said about how truly awful Bush is as a President, and as a human being. I've said my fair share, but in case I don't get to post for a while, I want to leave you with the best quote I've heard so far about George W. Bush.
"You've performed so poor, I'm surprised you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire metropolis to rising water and snakes. On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon, and the city of New Orleans . Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this country, I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side. So yes, God does speak to you, and what he's saying is, 'Take a hint.'" --Bill Maher
"You've performed so poor, I'm surprised you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire metropolis to rising water and snakes. On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon, and the city of New Orleans . Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this country, I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side. So yes, God does speak to you, and what he's saying is, 'Take a hint.'" --Bill Maher
September 16, 2005
Fox News Loves Bush
Fox News is so in-love with George W. Bush. I’m not just talking about that squat little man with too much bad hair (Hannity or whatever) and his pansy-ass “democrat” side-kick. All those um, reporters (?) over there love, love, love George W. Bush. They remind me of me when I was 16 and truly believed that Bruce Springsteen and I would one day wed. I had his posters all over my wall and for a time, I considered calling myself Mary (anyone who knows Bruce gets this reference). But even with my teenaged dreams, I knew that deep down that Bruce was just a guy from Jersey who would probably prefer tall, lanky, redheads to, well, minors.
I had insomnia this morning, so I was up at 3:00am, flipping channels when I landed on that Hannity guy and I stopped cold because I saw something in his eyes. Love. Unrequited, devout, full of passion, love. He was talking about how wonderful W’s speech in NoLa was last night. The so-called democrat didn’t say squat, except to close the show. Then this blonde chick and another squatty guy came on. I didn’t catch their names, but they are like the Regis and Kelly of Fox News. Except they really love W and I’m not sure Regis and Kelly even vote. They couldn’t believe how perfect W’s speech was and how he said all the right things and he hit every note and golly wow, he’s handled this whole Katrina thing like a leader.
I slapped myself. I thought I was having a nightmare. But no, I was awake. I flipped over to CNN to see what they had to say. They showed a snippet of W from his speech. His mouth was all contorted like it gets when he is trying to form words. His eyes were all cock-eyed. Would someone please tell me what’s wrong with his eyes and how come we don’t’ talk more openly about this? Is this like when FDR was in a wheel chair and no one talked about it? Or how Condi Rice is a lesbian and no one talks about that? But I digress.
From what I heard, it was pure Karl Rove at his most evil. Lots of platitudes. Lots of promises. No stats, no plan to pay for any of this. Yadda yadda yadda bite me.
So the fact that he’s such a dumbass and a bad leader means that the feelings those folks have for W must be real, true love. Does he realize how lucky he is to have an entire news channel devoted to promoting the worship of him?
I know W doesn’t read, but if there’s a God, and W say he has a personal relationship with Him, since God is omnipotent, I have a message that needs relaying: God, would you pass this on to W, who doesn’t read. W, please give the folks at Fox a phone call and say Hi. It would really make their day. Maybe you could send over a gift basket for that Hannity fellow and another two to the Fox version of Regis and Kelly. They are suffering they love you so much. It’s damaged the way they think. They’ve lost all their journalistic training (but I’m assuming that they had some). Please W, since you hate it when people disagree with you, here’s some love bunnies who just want to bask in the light that is you.
Thanks, God for relaying that. If W doesn’t respond to my request, should I assume that you two don’t talk much anymore?
I had insomnia this morning, so I was up at 3:00am, flipping channels when I landed on that Hannity guy and I stopped cold because I saw something in his eyes. Love. Unrequited, devout, full of passion, love. He was talking about how wonderful W’s speech in NoLa was last night. The so-called democrat didn’t say squat, except to close the show. Then this blonde chick and another squatty guy came on. I didn’t catch their names, but they are like the Regis and Kelly of Fox News. Except they really love W and I’m not sure Regis and Kelly even vote. They couldn’t believe how perfect W’s speech was and how he said all the right things and he hit every note and golly wow, he’s handled this whole Katrina thing like a leader.
I slapped myself. I thought I was having a nightmare. But no, I was awake. I flipped over to CNN to see what they had to say. They showed a snippet of W from his speech. His mouth was all contorted like it gets when he is trying to form words. His eyes were all cock-eyed. Would someone please tell me what’s wrong with his eyes and how come we don’t’ talk more openly about this? Is this like when FDR was in a wheel chair and no one talked about it? Or how Condi Rice is a lesbian and no one talks about that? But I digress.
From what I heard, it was pure Karl Rove at his most evil. Lots of platitudes. Lots of promises. No stats, no plan to pay for any of this. Yadda yadda yadda bite me.
So the fact that he’s such a dumbass and a bad leader means that the feelings those folks have for W must be real, true love. Does he realize how lucky he is to have an entire news channel devoted to promoting the worship of him?
I know W doesn’t read, but if there’s a God, and W say he has a personal relationship with Him, since God is omnipotent, I have a message that needs relaying: God, would you pass this on to W, who doesn’t read. W, please give the folks at Fox a phone call and say Hi. It would really make their day. Maybe you could send over a gift basket for that Hannity fellow and another two to the Fox version of Regis and Kelly. They are suffering they love you so much. It’s damaged the way they think. They’ve lost all their journalistic training (but I’m assuming that they had some). Please W, since you hate it when people disagree with you, here’s some love bunnies who just want to bask in the light that is you.
Thanks, God for relaying that. If W doesn’t respond to my request, should I assume that you two don’t talk much anymore?
September 14, 2005
Hey, Let's Not Pay the Workers Anything!
Um, I hope my boss doesn’t read the papers. He might get ideas if he gets wind of W’s latest coup. Of all the disgusting mistakes the Prez has made since Katrina hit (or period), this has got be the worst. He has issued an executive order allowing federal contractors (his buddies) to pay below the prevailing wage in the devastated areas. If he thinks those areas are the only things devastated, he hasn’t asked the workers how they feel about his order.
Okay, for all two of you die-hard Republicans reading this, tell me, do you actually prefer this cock-eyed half-wit whose biggest talent is being smug to Clinton’s sex scandals? I don’t think that W’s daddy would even do such a thing like this. I’m not even sure Reagan would have done this. I’m just, once again, floored by this guy. And I’m even more floored that he still has a strong base of supporters. This is a Wake Up and Smell the Coffee moment if I ever saw one.
Okay, for all two of you die-hard Republicans reading this, tell me, do you actually prefer this cock-eyed half-wit whose biggest talent is being smug to Clinton’s sex scandals? I don’t think that W’s daddy would even do such a thing like this. I’m not even sure Reagan would have done this. I’m just, once again, floored by this guy. And I’m even more floored that he still has a strong base of supporters. This is a Wake Up and Smell the Coffee moment if I ever saw one.
How I Learned Responsibility from the President
W’s statement the other day, that “to the extent that it was the Federal Government’s fault,” he will take responsibility, inspired me. I haven’t heard an apology that good since Clinton begrudgingly apologized to the nation for the Monica thing. So I have decided that if the President can put caveats around his apologies, so can I. Screw what my mama taught me about “owning up” to my mistakes. Mama Bush obviously never taught W that, and hey, she’s the best mother of all, right?
So today, my boss called me in his office and he said, “You’re the head of marketing, tell me why we aren’t getting any press.” I was about to confess that I had been slow to send out a press release on our latest product launch because I was off playing guitar with my buddy in California (I have a nice photo of me with this fat acoustic thing strapped around my shoulder) when I remembered what W said.
“To the extent that marketing is responsible for our lack of press, I accept responsibility,” I said.
Amazingly, he said “Good enough.” My boss thinks Marketing can do no wrong, because we believe in “hard work,” and “staying the course,” when it comes to building our brand. We are resolute in our commitment to not pull out of any campaigns we have going, even if we are in markets that don’t want us there. Like Iraq.
Then later, the head of our board called my boss and said, “Why is business down?” My boss, remembering W himself, said, “To the extent that my division is responsible for business being down, I accept responsibility.”
W has done the corporate world so much good, and I’m not just talking about those no-bid contracts to his buddies for rebuilding New Orleans.
When I came home tonight, I found an earring on my pillow. It was not mine. So when hubby came home, I said, “What the fuck?” And I held up the earring.
“To the extent that someone may have left an earring on your pillow that does not belong to you and therefore was left there in questionable circumstances, I accept responsibility.”
So I clobbered him over the head with one of my Prada shoes. The heel was quite heavy and left a nice reminder of his responsibility.
The police came. An officer asked, as he was handcuffing me, “What did you do???”
“To the extent that my husband is responsible for getting what he deserves, I accept responsibility.”
Unfortunately, I don’t know any high-powered lawyers who are friends of Bush, so this partial responsibility thing may not work out. Unless I get a Republican judge, then he will probably appreciate my defense.
So today, my boss called me in his office and he said, “You’re the head of marketing, tell me why we aren’t getting any press.” I was about to confess that I had been slow to send out a press release on our latest product launch because I was off playing guitar with my buddy in California (I have a nice photo of me with this fat acoustic thing strapped around my shoulder) when I remembered what W said.
“To the extent that marketing is responsible for our lack of press, I accept responsibility,” I said.
Amazingly, he said “Good enough.” My boss thinks Marketing can do no wrong, because we believe in “hard work,” and “staying the course,” when it comes to building our brand. We are resolute in our commitment to not pull out of any campaigns we have going, even if we are in markets that don’t want us there. Like Iraq.
Then later, the head of our board called my boss and said, “Why is business down?” My boss, remembering W himself, said, “To the extent that my division is responsible for business being down, I accept responsibility.”
W has done the corporate world so much good, and I’m not just talking about those no-bid contracts to his buddies for rebuilding New Orleans.
When I came home tonight, I found an earring on my pillow. It was not mine. So when hubby came home, I said, “What the fuck?” And I held up the earring.
“To the extent that someone may have left an earring on your pillow that does not belong to you and therefore was left there in questionable circumstances, I accept responsibility.”
So I clobbered him over the head with one of my Prada shoes. The heel was quite heavy and left a nice reminder of his responsibility.
The police came. An officer asked, as he was handcuffing me, “What did you do???”
“To the extent that my husband is responsible for getting what he deserves, I accept responsibility.”
Unfortunately, I don’t know any high-powered lawyers who are friends of Bush, so this partial responsibility thing may not work out. Unless I get a Republican judge, then he will probably appreciate my defense.
September 12, 2005
They Shoot Looters, Don’t They.
Notice the headline is not a question. Okay, I’m in shock over this one.
What the hell? First off, what looters? Aren’t they all gone, and secondly, do they really need mercenaries? This Government is getting scarier and scarier. I am all for impeaching Bush, but damn, I don’t think we want to stop with him.
What the hell? First off, what looters? Aren’t they all gone, and secondly, do they really need mercenaries? This Government is getting scarier and scarier. I am all for impeaching Bush, but damn, I don’t think we want to stop with him.
My Version of a Stiff Drink
After a long day of listening to the woes of my friends and family in Mississippi and New Orleans, who have to rebuild their lives, I enjoy a little Republican-bashing to take the edge off. Not that I blame the Republican administration for them losing their homes. I really wish I could, but as powerful as they may be, they can’t unleash a Category 5 hurricane. Well, unless you blame them for global warming, but I digress. Anyway, this article, helped relieve some of that built up tension I’ve been feeling.
There was another fabulous article about how W’s problem is that he’s a sociopath. That one got me through this morning, but then I had to go an accidentally delete the link. I’m also looking for articles on the doctor in Gulfport who, when asked if he could say one thing to President Cheney, said, “Yeah. Fuck you Mr. Cheney. Fuck you.” And they say you can’t find decent doctors in Mississippi.
There was another fabulous article about how W’s problem is that he’s a sociopath. That one got me through this morning, but then I had to go an accidentally delete the link. I’m also looking for articles on the doctor in Gulfport who, when asked if he could say one thing to President Cheney, said, “Yeah. Fuck you Mr. Cheney. Fuck you.” And they say you can’t find decent doctors in Mississippi.
How Bush (and pretty much everyone) Blew It
Someone sent me this article in its entirety, so rather than post the link, I’m posting the article. If you are looking for a fair and balanced, and in-depth account of what went wrong in the last two weeks, this is a good article to read.
Bureaucratic timidity. Bad phone lines. And a failure of imagination. Why the government was so slow to respond to catastrophe.
By Evan Thomas / Newsweek
Sept. 19, 2005 - It's a standing joke among the president's top aides: who gets to deliver the bad news? Warm and hearty in public, Bush can be cold and snappish in private, and aides sometimes cringe before the displeasure of the president of the United States, or, as he is known in West Wing jargon, POTUS. The bad news on this early morning, Tuesday, Aug. 30, some 24 hours after Hurricane Katrina had ripped through New Orleans, was that the president would have to cut short his five-week vacation by a couple of days and return to Washington. The president's chief of staff, Andrew Card; his deputy chief of staff, Joe Hagin; his counselor, Dan Bartlett, and his spokesman, Scott McClellan, held a conference call to discuss the question of the president's early return and the delicate task of telling him. Hagin, it was decided, as senior aide on the ground, would do the deed.
The president did not growl this time. He had already decided to return to Washington and hold a meeting of his top advisers on the following day, Wednesday. This would give them a day to get back from their vacations and their staffs to work up some ideas about what to do in the aftermath of the storm. President Bush knew the storm and its consequences had been bad; but he didn't quite realize how bad.
The reality, say several aides who did not wish to be quoted because it might displease the president, did not really sink in until Thursday night. Some White House staffers were watching the evening news and thought the president needed to see the horrific reports coming out of New Orleans. Counselor Bartlett made up a DVD of the newscasts so Bush could see them in their entirety as he flew down to the Gulf Coast the next morning on Air Force One.
How this could be—how the president of the United States could have even less "situational awareness," as they say in the military, than the average American about the worst natural disaster in a century—is one of the more perplexing and troubling chapters in a story that, despite moments of heroism and acts of great generosity, ranks as a national disgrace.
President George W. Bush has always trusted his gut. He prides himself in ignoring the distracting chatter, the caterwauling of the media elites, the Washington political buzz machine. He has boasted that he doesn't read the papers. His doggedness is often admirable. It is easy for presidents to overreact to the noise around them.
But it is not clear what President Bush does read or watch, aside from the occasional biography and an hour or two of ESPN here and there. Bush can be petulant about dissent; he equates disagreement with disloyalty. After five years in office, he is surrounded largely by people who agree with him. Bush can ask tough questions, but it's mostly a one-way street. Most presidents keep a devil's advocate around. Lyndon Johnson had George Ball on Vietnam; President Ronald Reagan and Bush's father, George H.W. Bush, grudgingly listened to the arguments of Budget Director Richard Darman, who told them what they didn't wish to hear: that they would have to raise taxes. When Hurricane Katrina struck, it appears there was no one to tell President Bush the plain truth: that the state and local governments had been overwhelmed, that the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) was not up to the job and that the military, the only institution with the resources to cope, couldn't act without a declaration from the president overriding all other authority.
The war in Iraq was a failure of intelligence. The government's response to Katrina—like the failure to anticipate that terrorists would fly into buildings on 9/11—was a failure of imagination. On Tuesday, within 24 hours of the storm's arrival, Bush needed to be able to imagine the scenes of disorder and misery that would, two days later, shock him when he watched the evening news. He needed to be able to see that New Orleans would spin into violence and chaos very quickly if the U.S. government did not take charge—and, in effect, send in the cavalry, which in this case probably meant sending in a brigade from a combat outfit, like the 82nd Airborne, based in Fort Bragg, N.C., and prepared to deploy anywhere in the world in 18 hours.
Bush and his advisers in his "war cabinet" have always been action-oriented, "forward leaning," in the favorite phrase of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. They dislike lawyers and sometimes brush aside legalistic (and even sound constitutional) arguments. But this time "Rummy" opposed sending in active-duty troops as cops. Dick Cheney, who was vacationing in Wyoming when the storm hit, characteristically kept his counsel on videoconferences; his private advice is not known.
Liberals will say they were indifferent to the plight of poor African-Americans. It is true that Katrina laid bare society's massive neglect of its least fortunate. The inner thoughts and motivations of Bush and his top advisers are impossible to know for certain. Though it seems abstract at a time of such suffering, high-minded considerations about the balance of power between state and federal government were clearly at play. It's also possible that after at least four years of more or less constant crisis, Bush and his team are numb.
The failure of the government's response to Hurricane Katrina worked like a power blackout. Problems cascaded and compounded; each mistake made the next mistake worse. The foe in this battle was a monster; Katrina flattened the Gulf Coast with the strength of a vengeful god. But human beings, beginning with the elected officials of the City of New Orleans, failed to anticipate and react in time.
Congressional investigations will take months to sort out who is to blame. A NEWSWEEK reconstruction of the government's response to the storm shows how Bush's leadership style and the bureaucratic culture combined to produce a disaster within a disaster.
Ray Nagin, the mayor of New Orleans, didn't want to evacuate. New Orleanians have a fatalistic streak; their joyful, jazz-blowing street funeral processions are legendary. After many near misses over the years since Hurricane Betsy flooded 20 percent of the city in 1965, longtime residents prefer to stay put. Nagin's eye had long been on commerce, not catastrophe. A former executive at Cox Communications, he had come to office in 2002 to clear out the allegedly corrupt old guard and bring new business to the city, which has not prospered with New South metropolises like Atlanta. During Nagin's mayoral campaign, the promises were about jobs, not stronger floodwalls and levees.
But on Saturday night, as Katrina bore down on New Orleans, Nagin talked to Max Mayfield, head of the National Hurricane Center."Max Mayfield has scared me to death," Nagin told City Councilwoman Cynthia Morrell early Sunday morning. "If you're scared, I'm scared," responded Morrell, and the mandatory order went out to evacuate the city—about a day later than for most other cities and counties along the GulfCoast.
As Katrina howled outside Monday morning and the windows of the Hyatt Hotel, where the mayor had set up his command post, began popping out, Nagin and his staff lay on the floor. Then came eerie silence. Morrell decided to go look at her district, including nearby Gentilly. Outside, Canal Street was dry. "Phew," Morrell told her driver, "that was close." But then, from the elevated highway, she began seeing neighborhoods under eight to 15 feet of water. "HolyG od," she thought to herself. Then she spotted her first dead body.
At dusk, on the ninth floor of city hall, the mayor and the city council had their first encounter with the federal government. A man in a blue FEMA windbreaker arrived to brief them on his helicopter fly over of the city. Hes eemed unfamiliar with the city's geography, but he did have a sense of urgency. "Water as far as the eye can see," he said. It was worse than Hurricanes Andrew in 1992 and Camille in 1969. "I need to call Washington," he said. "Do you have a conference-call line?" According to an aide to the mayor, he seemed a little taken aback when the answer was no. Long neglected in the city budget, communications within the New Orleans city government were poor, and eventually almost nonexistent when the batteries on the few old satellite phones died. The FEMA man found a phone, but he had trouble reaching senior officials in Washington. When he finally got someone on the line, the city officials kept hearing him say, "You don't understand, you don't understand."
Around New Orleans, three levees had overtopped or were broken. The city was doomed. There was no way the water could be stopped. But, incredibly, the seriousness of the situation did not really register, not only in Washington, but at the state emergency command post upriver in Baton Rouge. In a squat, drab cinder-block building in the state capital, full of TV monitors and maps, various state and federal officials tried to make sense of what had happened. "Nobody was saying it wasn't a catastrophe," Louisiana Sen. Mary Landrieu told news-week. "We were saying, 'Thank you, God,' because the experts were telling the governor it could have been even worse."
Gov. Kathleen Babineaux Blanco, a motherly but steely figure known by the nickname Queen Bee, knew that she needed help. But she wasn't quite sure what. At about 8 p.m., she spoke to Bush. "Mr. President," she said, "we need your help. We need everything you've got."
Bush, the governor later recalled, was reassuring. But the conversation was all a little vague. Blanco did not specifically ask for a massive intervention by the active-duty military. "She wouldn't know the 82nd Airborne from the Harlem Boys' Choir," said an official in the governor's office, who did not wish to be identified talking about his boss's conversations with the president. There are a number of steps Bush could have taken, short of a full-scale federal takeover, like ordering the military to take over the pitiful and (by now) largely broken emergency communications system throughout the region. But the president, who was in San Diego preparing to give a speech the next day on the war in Iraq, went to bed.
By the predawn hours, most state and federal officials finally realized that the 17th Street Canal levee had been breached, and that the city was in serious trouble. Bush was told at 5 a.m. Pacific Coast time and immediately decided to cut his vacation short. To his senior advisers, living in the insular presidential bubble, the mere act of lopping off a couple of presidential vacation days counts as a major event. They could see pitfalls in sending Bush to New Orleans immediately. His presence would create a security nightmare and get in the way of the relief effort. Bush blithely proceeded with the rest of his schedule for the day, accepting a gift guitar at one event and pretending to riff like Tom Cruise in "Risky Business."
Bush might not have appeared so carefree if he had been able to see the fearful faces on some young police officers—the ones who actually showed up for roll call at the New Orleans Second District police headquarters that morning. The radio was reporting water nine feet deep at the corner of Napoleon and St. Charles streets. The looting and occasional shooting had begun. At 2 o'clock on the morning of the storm, only 82 of 120 cops had obeyed a summons to report for duty. Now the numbers were dwindling; within a day, only 28 or 30 officers would be left to save the stranded and fight the looters, recalled a sad and exhausted Capt. Eddie Hosli, speaking to a NEWSWEEK reporter last week. "One of my lieutenants told me, 'I was looking into the eyes of one of the officers and it was like looking into the eyes of a baby'," Hosli recalled. "It was just terrible." (When the AWOL officers began trickling back to work last week, attracted in part by the promise of five expense-paid days in Las Vegas for all New Orleans cops, Hosli told them, "You've got your own demons to live with. I'm not going to judge you.")
At emergency headquarters in Baton Rouge, confusion raged. Though more than 100,000 of its residents had no way to get out of the city on their own, New Orleans had no real evacuation plan, save to tell people to go to the Superdome and wait for buses. On Tuesday, the state was rounding up buses; no, FEMA was; no, FEMA's buses would take too long to get there ... and so on. On Tuesday afternoon, Governor Blanco took her second trip to the Superdome and was shocked by the rising tide of desperation there. There didn't seem to be nearly enough buses, boats or helicopters.
Early Wednesday morning, Blanco tried to call Bush. She was transferred around the White House for a while until she ended up on the phone with Fran Townsend, the president's Homeland Security adviser, who tried to reassure her but did not have many specifics. Hours later, Blanco called back and insisted on speaking to the president. When he came on the line, the governor recalled, "I just asked him for help, 'whatever you have'." She asked for 40,000 troops. "I just pulled a number out of the sky," she later told NEWSWEEK.
The Pentagon was not sitting idly. By Tuesday morning (and even before the storm) the military was moving supplies, ships, boats, helicopters and troops toward the Gulf Coast. But, ironically, the scale of the effort slowed it. TV viewers had difficulty understanding why TV crews seemed to move in and out of New Orleans while the military was nowhere to be seen. But a TV crew is five people in an RV. Before the military can send in convoys of trucks, it has to clear broken and flooded highways. The military took over the shattered New Orleans airport for emergency airlifts, but special teams of Air Force operators had to be sent into make it ready. By the week after the storm, the military had mobilized some 70,000 troops and hundreds of helicopters—but it took at least two days and usually four and five to get them into the disaster area. Looters and well-armed gangs, like TV crews, moved faster.
In the inner councils of the Bush administration, there was some talk of gingerly pushing aside the overwhelmed "first responders," the state and local emergency forces, and sending in active-duty troops. But under an1868 law, federal troops are not allowed to get involved in local law enforcement. The president, it's true, could have invoked the Insurrections Act, the so-called Riot Act. But Rumsfeld's aides say the secretary of Defense was leery of sending in 19-year-old soldiers trained to shoot people in combat to play policemen in an American city, and he believed that National Guardsmen trained as MPs were on the way.
The one federal agency that is supposed to handle disasters—FEMA—was dysfunctional. On Wednesday morning, Senator Landrieu was standing outside the chaotic Superdome and asked to borrow a FEMA official's phone to call her office in Washington. "It didn't work," she told news-week. "I thought to myself, 'This isn't going to be pretty'." Once a kind of petty-cash drawer for congressmen to quickly hand out aid after floods and storms, FEMA had improved in the 1990s in the Clinton administration. But it became a victim of the Iron Law of Unintended Consequences. After 9/11 raised the profile of disaster response, FEMA was folded into the sprawling Department of Homeland Security and effectively weakened. FEMA's boss, Bush's close friend Joe Allbaugh, quit when he lost his cabinet seat. (Now a consultant, Allbaugh was down on the Gulf Coast last week looking for contracts for his private clients.) Allbaugh replaced himself with his college buddy Mike Brown, whose last private-sector job (omitted from his official resume) had been supervising horse-show judges for the International Arabian Horse Association. After praising Brown ("Brownie, you're doing a heck of job"), Bush last week removed him from honchoing the Katrina relief operation. He was replaced by Coast Guard Vice Adm. Thad Allen. The Coast Guard was one agency that performed well, rescuing thousands.
Bad news rarely flows up in bureaucracies. For most of those first few days, Bush was hearing what a good job the Feds were doing. Bush likes "metrics," numbers to measure performance, so the bureaucrats gave him reassuring statistics. At a press availability on Wednesday, Bush duly rattled them off: there were 400 trucks transporting 5.4 million meals and 13.4 million liters of water along with 3.4 million pounds of ice. Yet it was obvious to anyone watching TV that New Orleans had turned into a Third World hellhole.
The denial and the frustration finally collided aboard Air Force One on Friday. As the president's plane sat on the tarmac at New Orleans airport, a confrontation occurred that was described by one participant as "as blunt as you can get without the Secret Service getting involved." Governor Blanco was there, along with various congressmen and senators and Mayor Nagin (who took advantage of the opportunity to take a shower aboard the plane). One by one, the lawmakers listed their grievances as Bush listened. Rep. Bobby Jindal, whose district encompasses New Orleans, told of a sheriff who had called FEMA for assistance. According to Jindal, the sheriff was told to e-mail his request, "and the guy was sitting in a district underwater and with no electricity," Jindal said, incredulously. "How does that make any sense?" Jindal later told NEWSWEEK that "almost everybody" around the conference table had a similar story about how the federal response "just wasn't working." With each tale, "the president just shook his head, as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing," says Jindal, a conservative Republican and Bush appointee who lost a close race to Blanco. Repeatedly, the president turned to his aides and said, "Fix it."
According to Sen. David Vitter, a Republican ally of Bush's, the meeting came to a head when Mayor Nagin blew up during a fraught discussion of "who's in charge?" Nagin slammed his hand down on the table and told Bush, "We just need to cut through this and do what it takes to have amore-controlled command structure. If that means federalizing it, let's do it."
A debate over "federalizing" the National Guard had been rattling in Washington for the previous three days. Normally, the Guard is under the control of the state governor, but the Feds can take over—if the governor asks them to. Nagin suggested that Lt. Gen. Russel Honore, the Pentagon's on-scene commander, be put in charge. According to Senator Vitter, Bush turned to Governor Blanco and said, "Well,what do you think of that, Governor?" Blanco told Bush, "I'd rather talk to you about that privately." To which Nagin responded, "Well, why don't you do that now?"
The meeting broke up. Bush and Blanco disappeared to talk. More than a week later, there was still no agreement. Blanco didn't want to give up her authority, and Bush didn't press. Jindal suggested that Bush appoint Colin Powell as a kind of relief czar, and Bush replied, "I'll take that into consideration." Bush does not like to fire people. He told Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff to go down to Louisiana and sort out the various problems. A day later FEMA's Brown was on his way back to Washington.
Late last week, Bush was, by some accounts, down and angry. But another Bush aide described the atmosphere inside the White House as "strangely surreal and almost detached." At one meeting described by this insider, officials were oddly self-congratulatory, perhaps in an effort to buck each other up. Life inside a bunker can be strange, especially in defeat.
With T. Trent Gegax, Arian Campo-Flores, Andrew Murr, Susannah Meadows,Jonathan Darman and Catharine Skipp in the gulf coast region, and RichardWolffe, Holly Bailey, Mark Hosenball, Tamara Lipper, John Barry, DanielKlaidman, Michael Isikoff, Michael Hirsh, Eve Conant, Martha Brant, PatriciaWingert, Eleanor Clift and Steve Tuttle in Washington
Bureaucratic timidity. Bad phone lines. And a failure of imagination. Why the government was so slow to respond to catastrophe.
By Evan Thomas / Newsweek
Sept. 19, 2005 - It's a standing joke among the president's top aides: who gets to deliver the bad news? Warm and hearty in public, Bush can be cold and snappish in private, and aides sometimes cringe before the displeasure of the president of the United States, or, as he is known in West Wing jargon, POTUS. The bad news on this early morning, Tuesday, Aug. 30, some 24 hours after Hurricane Katrina had ripped through New Orleans, was that the president would have to cut short his five-week vacation by a couple of days and return to Washington. The president's chief of staff, Andrew Card; his deputy chief of staff, Joe Hagin; his counselor, Dan Bartlett, and his spokesman, Scott McClellan, held a conference call to discuss the question of the president's early return and the delicate task of telling him. Hagin, it was decided, as senior aide on the ground, would do the deed.
The president did not growl this time. He had already decided to return to Washington and hold a meeting of his top advisers on the following day, Wednesday. This would give them a day to get back from their vacations and their staffs to work up some ideas about what to do in the aftermath of the storm. President Bush knew the storm and its consequences had been bad; but he didn't quite realize how bad.
The reality, say several aides who did not wish to be quoted because it might displease the president, did not really sink in until Thursday night. Some White House staffers were watching the evening news and thought the president needed to see the horrific reports coming out of New Orleans. Counselor Bartlett made up a DVD of the newscasts so Bush could see them in their entirety as he flew down to the Gulf Coast the next morning on Air Force One.
How this could be—how the president of the United States could have even less "situational awareness," as they say in the military, than the average American about the worst natural disaster in a century—is one of the more perplexing and troubling chapters in a story that, despite moments of heroism and acts of great generosity, ranks as a national disgrace.
President George W. Bush has always trusted his gut. He prides himself in ignoring the distracting chatter, the caterwauling of the media elites, the Washington political buzz machine. He has boasted that he doesn't read the papers. His doggedness is often admirable. It is easy for presidents to overreact to the noise around them.
But it is not clear what President Bush does read or watch, aside from the occasional biography and an hour or two of ESPN here and there. Bush can be petulant about dissent; he equates disagreement with disloyalty. After five years in office, he is surrounded largely by people who agree with him. Bush can ask tough questions, but it's mostly a one-way street. Most presidents keep a devil's advocate around. Lyndon Johnson had George Ball on Vietnam; President Ronald Reagan and Bush's father, George H.W. Bush, grudgingly listened to the arguments of Budget Director Richard Darman, who told them what they didn't wish to hear: that they would have to raise taxes. When Hurricane Katrina struck, it appears there was no one to tell President Bush the plain truth: that the state and local governments had been overwhelmed, that the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) was not up to the job and that the military, the only institution with the resources to cope, couldn't act without a declaration from the president overriding all other authority.
The war in Iraq was a failure of intelligence. The government's response to Katrina—like the failure to anticipate that terrorists would fly into buildings on 9/11—was a failure of imagination. On Tuesday, within 24 hours of the storm's arrival, Bush needed to be able to imagine the scenes of disorder and misery that would, two days later, shock him when he watched the evening news. He needed to be able to see that New Orleans would spin into violence and chaos very quickly if the U.S. government did not take charge—and, in effect, send in the cavalry, which in this case probably meant sending in a brigade from a combat outfit, like the 82nd Airborne, based in Fort Bragg, N.C., and prepared to deploy anywhere in the world in 18 hours.
Bush and his advisers in his "war cabinet" have always been action-oriented, "forward leaning," in the favorite phrase of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. They dislike lawyers and sometimes brush aside legalistic (and even sound constitutional) arguments. But this time "Rummy" opposed sending in active-duty troops as cops. Dick Cheney, who was vacationing in Wyoming when the storm hit, characteristically kept his counsel on videoconferences; his private advice is not known.
Liberals will say they were indifferent to the plight of poor African-Americans. It is true that Katrina laid bare society's massive neglect of its least fortunate. The inner thoughts and motivations of Bush and his top advisers are impossible to know for certain. Though it seems abstract at a time of such suffering, high-minded considerations about the balance of power between state and federal government were clearly at play. It's also possible that after at least four years of more or less constant crisis, Bush and his team are numb.
The failure of the government's response to Hurricane Katrina worked like a power blackout. Problems cascaded and compounded; each mistake made the next mistake worse. The foe in this battle was a monster; Katrina flattened the Gulf Coast with the strength of a vengeful god. But human beings, beginning with the elected officials of the City of New Orleans, failed to anticipate and react in time.
Congressional investigations will take months to sort out who is to blame. A NEWSWEEK reconstruction of the government's response to the storm shows how Bush's leadership style and the bureaucratic culture combined to produce a disaster within a disaster.
Ray Nagin, the mayor of New Orleans, didn't want to evacuate. New Orleanians have a fatalistic streak; their joyful, jazz-blowing street funeral processions are legendary. After many near misses over the years since Hurricane Betsy flooded 20 percent of the city in 1965, longtime residents prefer to stay put. Nagin's eye had long been on commerce, not catastrophe. A former executive at Cox Communications, he had come to office in 2002 to clear out the allegedly corrupt old guard and bring new business to the city, which has not prospered with New South metropolises like Atlanta. During Nagin's mayoral campaign, the promises were about jobs, not stronger floodwalls and levees.
But on Saturday night, as Katrina bore down on New Orleans, Nagin talked to Max Mayfield, head of the National Hurricane Center."Max Mayfield has scared me to death," Nagin told City Councilwoman Cynthia Morrell early Sunday morning. "If you're scared, I'm scared," responded Morrell, and the mandatory order went out to evacuate the city—about a day later than for most other cities and counties along the GulfCoast.
As Katrina howled outside Monday morning and the windows of the Hyatt Hotel, where the mayor had set up his command post, began popping out, Nagin and his staff lay on the floor. Then came eerie silence. Morrell decided to go look at her district, including nearby Gentilly. Outside, Canal Street was dry. "Phew," Morrell told her driver, "that was close." But then, from the elevated highway, she began seeing neighborhoods under eight to 15 feet of water. "HolyG od," she thought to herself. Then she spotted her first dead body.
At dusk, on the ninth floor of city hall, the mayor and the city council had their first encounter with the federal government. A man in a blue FEMA windbreaker arrived to brief them on his helicopter fly over of the city. Hes eemed unfamiliar with the city's geography, but he did have a sense of urgency. "Water as far as the eye can see," he said. It was worse than Hurricanes Andrew in 1992 and Camille in 1969. "I need to call Washington," he said. "Do you have a conference-call line?" According to an aide to the mayor, he seemed a little taken aback when the answer was no. Long neglected in the city budget, communications within the New Orleans city government were poor, and eventually almost nonexistent when the batteries on the few old satellite phones died. The FEMA man found a phone, but he had trouble reaching senior officials in Washington. When he finally got someone on the line, the city officials kept hearing him say, "You don't understand, you don't understand."
Around New Orleans, three levees had overtopped or were broken. The city was doomed. There was no way the water could be stopped. But, incredibly, the seriousness of the situation did not really register, not only in Washington, but at the state emergency command post upriver in Baton Rouge. In a squat, drab cinder-block building in the state capital, full of TV monitors and maps, various state and federal officials tried to make sense of what had happened. "Nobody was saying it wasn't a catastrophe," Louisiana Sen. Mary Landrieu told news-week. "We were saying, 'Thank you, God,' because the experts were telling the governor it could have been even worse."
Gov. Kathleen Babineaux Blanco, a motherly but steely figure known by the nickname Queen Bee, knew that she needed help. But she wasn't quite sure what. At about 8 p.m., she spoke to Bush. "Mr. President," she said, "we need your help. We need everything you've got."
Bush, the governor later recalled, was reassuring. But the conversation was all a little vague. Blanco did not specifically ask for a massive intervention by the active-duty military. "She wouldn't know the 82nd Airborne from the Harlem Boys' Choir," said an official in the governor's office, who did not wish to be identified talking about his boss's conversations with the president. There are a number of steps Bush could have taken, short of a full-scale federal takeover, like ordering the military to take over the pitiful and (by now) largely broken emergency communications system throughout the region. But the president, who was in San Diego preparing to give a speech the next day on the war in Iraq, went to bed.
By the predawn hours, most state and federal officials finally realized that the 17th Street Canal levee had been breached, and that the city was in serious trouble. Bush was told at 5 a.m. Pacific Coast time and immediately decided to cut his vacation short. To his senior advisers, living in the insular presidential bubble, the mere act of lopping off a couple of presidential vacation days counts as a major event. They could see pitfalls in sending Bush to New Orleans immediately. His presence would create a security nightmare and get in the way of the relief effort. Bush blithely proceeded with the rest of his schedule for the day, accepting a gift guitar at one event and pretending to riff like Tom Cruise in "Risky Business."
Bush might not have appeared so carefree if he had been able to see the fearful faces on some young police officers—the ones who actually showed up for roll call at the New Orleans Second District police headquarters that morning. The radio was reporting water nine feet deep at the corner of Napoleon and St. Charles streets. The looting and occasional shooting had begun. At 2 o'clock on the morning of the storm, only 82 of 120 cops had obeyed a summons to report for duty. Now the numbers were dwindling; within a day, only 28 or 30 officers would be left to save the stranded and fight the looters, recalled a sad and exhausted Capt. Eddie Hosli, speaking to a NEWSWEEK reporter last week. "One of my lieutenants told me, 'I was looking into the eyes of one of the officers and it was like looking into the eyes of a baby'," Hosli recalled. "It was just terrible." (When the AWOL officers began trickling back to work last week, attracted in part by the promise of five expense-paid days in Las Vegas for all New Orleans cops, Hosli told them, "You've got your own demons to live with. I'm not going to judge you.")
At emergency headquarters in Baton Rouge, confusion raged. Though more than 100,000 of its residents had no way to get out of the city on their own, New Orleans had no real evacuation plan, save to tell people to go to the Superdome and wait for buses. On Tuesday, the state was rounding up buses; no, FEMA was; no, FEMA's buses would take too long to get there ... and so on. On Tuesday afternoon, Governor Blanco took her second trip to the Superdome and was shocked by the rising tide of desperation there. There didn't seem to be nearly enough buses, boats or helicopters.
Early Wednesday morning, Blanco tried to call Bush. She was transferred around the White House for a while until she ended up on the phone with Fran Townsend, the president's Homeland Security adviser, who tried to reassure her but did not have many specifics. Hours later, Blanco called back and insisted on speaking to the president. When he came on the line, the governor recalled, "I just asked him for help, 'whatever you have'." She asked for 40,000 troops. "I just pulled a number out of the sky," she later told NEWSWEEK.
The Pentagon was not sitting idly. By Tuesday morning (and even before the storm) the military was moving supplies, ships, boats, helicopters and troops toward the Gulf Coast. But, ironically, the scale of the effort slowed it. TV viewers had difficulty understanding why TV crews seemed to move in and out of New Orleans while the military was nowhere to be seen. But a TV crew is five people in an RV. Before the military can send in convoys of trucks, it has to clear broken and flooded highways. The military took over the shattered New Orleans airport for emergency airlifts, but special teams of Air Force operators had to be sent into make it ready. By the week after the storm, the military had mobilized some 70,000 troops and hundreds of helicopters—but it took at least two days and usually four and five to get them into the disaster area. Looters and well-armed gangs, like TV crews, moved faster.
In the inner councils of the Bush administration, there was some talk of gingerly pushing aside the overwhelmed "first responders," the state and local emergency forces, and sending in active-duty troops. But under an1868 law, federal troops are not allowed to get involved in local law enforcement. The president, it's true, could have invoked the Insurrections Act, the so-called Riot Act. But Rumsfeld's aides say the secretary of Defense was leery of sending in 19-year-old soldiers trained to shoot people in combat to play policemen in an American city, and he believed that National Guardsmen trained as MPs were on the way.
The one federal agency that is supposed to handle disasters—FEMA—was dysfunctional. On Wednesday morning, Senator Landrieu was standing outside the chaotic Superdome and asked to borrow a FEMA official's phone to call her office in Washington. "It didn't work," she told news-week. "I thought to myself, 'This isn't going to be pretty'." Once a kind of petty-cash drawer for congressmen to quickly hand out aid after floods and storms, FEMA had improved in the 1990s in the Clinton administration. But it became a victim of the Iron Law of Unintended Consequences. After 9/11 raised the profile of disaster response, FEMA was folded into the sprawling Department of Homeland Security and effectively weakened. FEMA's boss, Bush's close friend Joe Allbaugh, quit when he lost his cabinet seat. (Now a consultant, Allbaugh was down on the Gulf Coast last week looking for contracts for his private clients.) Allbaugh replaced himself with his college buddy Mike Brown, whose last private-sector job (omitted from his official resume) had been supervising horse-show judges for the International Arabian Horse Association. After praising Brown ("Brownie, you're doing a heck of job"), Bush last week removed him from honchoing the Katrina relief operation. He was replaced by Coast Guard Vice Adm. Thad Allen. The Coast Guard was one agency that performed well, rescuing thousands.
Bad news rarely flows up in bureaucracies. For most of those first few days, Bush was hearing what a good job the Feds were doing. Bush likes "metrics," numbers to measure performance, so the bureaucrats gave him reassuring statistics. At a press availability on Wednesday, Bush duly rattled them off: there were 400 trucks transporting 5.4 million meals and 13.4 million liters of water along with 3.4 million pounds of ice. Yet it was obvious to anyone watching TV that New Orleans had turned into a Third World hellhole.
The denial and the frustration finally collided aboard Air Force One on Friday. As the president's plane sat on the tarmac at New Orleans airport, a confrontation occurred that was described by one participant as "as blunt as you can get without the Secret Service getting involved." Governor Blanco was there, along with various congressmen and senators and Mayor Nagin (who took advantage of the opportunity to take a shower aboard the plane). One by one, the lawmakers listed their grievances as Bush listened. Rep. Bobby Jindal, whose district encompasses New Orleans, told of a sheriff who had called FEMA for assistance. According to Jindal, the sheriff was told to e-mail his request, "and the guy was sitting in a district underwater and with no electricity," Jindal said, incredulously. "How does that make any sense?" Jindal later told NEWSWEEK that "almost everybody" around the conference table had a similar story about how the federal response "just wasn't working." With each tale, "the president just shook his head, as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing," says Jindal, a conservative Republican and Bush appointee who lost a close race to Blanco. Repeatedly, the president turned to his aides and said, "Fix it."
According to Sen. David Vitter, a Republican ally of Bush's, the meeting came to a head when Mayor Nagin blew up during a fraught discussion of "who's in charge?" Nagin slammed his hand down on the table and told Bush, "We just need to cut through this and do what it takes to have amore-controlled command structure. If that means federalizing it, let's do it."
A debate over "federalizing" the National Guard had been rattling in Washington for the previous three days. Normally, the Guard is under the control of the state governor, but the Feds can take over—if the governor asks them to. Nagin suggested that Lt. Gen. Russel Honore, the Pentagon's on-scene commander, be put in charge. According to Senator Vitter, Bush turned to Governor Blanco and said, "Well,what do you think of that, Governor?" Blanco told Bush, "I'd rather talk to you about that privately." To which Nagin responded, "Well, why don't you do that now?"
The meeting broke up. Bush and Blanco disappeared to talk. More than a week later, there was still no agreement. Blanco didn't want to give up her authority, and Bush didn't press. Jindal suggested that Bush appoint Colin Powell as a kind of relief czar, and Bush replied, "I'll take that into consideration." Bush does not like to fire people. He told Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff to go down to Louisiana and sort out the various problems. A day later FEMA's Brown was on his way back to Washington.
Late last week, Bush was, by some accounts, down and angry. But another Bush aide described the atmosphere inside the White House as "strangely surreal and almost detached." At one meeting described by this insider, officials were oddly self-congratulatory, perhaps in an effort to buck each other up. Life inside a bunker can be strange, especially in defeat.
With T. Trent Gegax, Arian Campo-Flores, Andrew Murr, Susannah Meadows,Jonathan Darman and Catharine Skipp in the gulf coast region, and RichardWolffe, Holly Bailey, Mark Hosenball, Tamara Lipper, John Barry, DanielKlaidman, Michael Isikoff, Michael Hirsh, Eve Conant, Martha Brant, PatriciaWingert, Eleanor Clift and Steve Tuttle in Washington
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